September | 2010 | What's Andrew Michaels Doing?

Archive for September, 2010

Alarms, my hair, my barber, and my desire to be like Mike……Douglas…..in the 80’s.

Posted: September 28, 2010 in ALL ABOUT ME

I love this song… Its called “Help Yourself” by Sad Brad Smith….Push Play if you want to listen to it while you read……..If you don’t see a play button, update your god damn computer…..flash, windows updates, or whatever you do with a mac to update it. (I bet Macs don’t need updating, but I do not know for sure. I need a mac that runs windows 7…….)

It’s 7:28 in the morning, my eyes are closed but I am awake. I am awake because I know that my cell phone alarm is going to go off in 2 minutes at 7:30, and then another alarm will go off at 7:35 as my last backup to wake up in order to not be late for work. It is then that I realize that I did not set either alarm to go off this morning.

For one reason or another I forgot to set the alarms last night. I did the only rational thing that I could do at 7:28 in the morning, when I know that my alarm is not set to go off in two minutes like I expected it to do. At 7:28 I set my alarm to go off in two minutes for 7:30. I close my eyes, and I feel like I got ripped the fuck off. It did not feel like two minutes passed by the time the alarm went off, and I guess that makes sense, since it was really only a minute and change.

I turn off my first alarm knowing that I have a five minute window until the next one will go off. As I am lying there I can’t fall back asleep because I remember that my hair is short. Typically a person should be able to sleep due to the shortness of their hair, but I cannot.

Having shorter hair means that I have to deal with it. I prefer longer hair. I do not have to shower in the morning when I have longer hair. It does not get as greasy, it does not stick up as much, and it is much easier to make it look presentable when their is some length to it…….go fucking figure. Since I typically look like a hippy with longer hair, it means it is easier for me to look presentable as a hippie, than it is to look presentable as clean cut dude. Being a clean cut dude holds a person to a higher standard. I can’t go into work with short hair that is sticking up, but if I have long hair that is sticking up, I will just blame it on the wind from the car ride over to work, not that I would ever get questioned if my hair was messed up when it was long, because I am held to a lower standard when I have long hair. I like being held to a lower standard, it makes my good deeds look like amazing deeds. It makes my smart actions seem like genius actions. And if I do something stupid, no one ever really thinks too much about it, since I am held to a lower standard.

Back to me in bed…..

I lay in bed with my eyes staring at the ceiling knowing that I am going to have to deal with my hair which is spiking straight up like a Kate Gosselin style, or lesbian spike hairdo. I question whether if I was pushed into a corner and I had to choose between a lesbian spike haircut, or a male homosexual hairstyle, which would I choose?

…….. Definitely a male homosexual hairstyle, because I could just say that I was metro-sexual and pull it off metro-sexually.

My last haircut before this one I just got took place in March and worked out pretty well. I brought in a few pictures on my cell phone of Michael Douglas from the 80’s, for my barber to try to mimic.

I did the same thing this time I went to the barbershop last week, but I feel my barber did not achieve Michael Douglas 80’s greatness this time. He cut it too short, I feel like I will have to wait an additional month, on top of the usual few weeks, that I typically have to wait until I feel my hair is where it should be at.

Maybe I should get it to the length that I want, and then just invest in a “flowbee”. I took a new picture on my phone that I will bring to my barber next time.

Now I know this dude is a nobody compared to Michael Douglas, but what the fuck, if it gets my haircut right, I have no problem moving on from Mike.

Hopefully this picture will ensure that next time I do not live in 7 weeks of hair-purgatory, as my sins for cutting it too short are slowly forgiven, with eventual steady growth.

On a side note, go to Google and type in Andrew Michaels. My main competition for the top two spots is held by Andrew Michaels Spa, I was number 3 for a while but as of today I seem to be number 7, which pisses me off because I have been getting plenty of steady traffic coming to my site, due to people looking on the internet for naked men.

I will overtake Andrew Michaels Spa for the top spot. This will be a future blog posting regarding my online war with Andrew Michaels Spa…….I don’t know if it is true, but I heard someone say that they give “happy endings” there, has anyone else heard this? Please let me know in a comment if you have heard anything like this.

Eventually they will advertise on my blog, since I can either work with them or against them, and I obviously have some extra time on my hands to really work against them if I really wanted to……

I don’t want to work anymore, so this is something to pursue.

This is what Andrew Michaels is Doing now…..

The Grind: My first true attempt…..

Posted: September 26, 2010 in Poker

So I am going to start to write this post with the possibility of never publishing it, based on the early outcome. My plan is to make a legitimate stab at playing poker at a higher level than I am used to. I do not want to do this with my own money. The only way I am going to be able to do this then is to win money from poker, and then use that money I win to take a stab at a higher level of play. As of 9/14/2010, I have 100 dollars in my online poker account. I plan on getting this amount up to 700 dollars playing double or nothing sit and go’s. The way this tournament works is that ten people enter in the tournament for a set amount, say 20 dollars, then 5 people need to get eliminated, and then the 5 people left in the tournament will each get 40 dollars as a prize. I will play the 20 dollar tournaments until I get to 200 dollars in my account. Then I will play the 50 dollar tournaments. I will play the 50 dollar tournaments until I get to 400 dollars in my account. I will then play the 100 dollar tournaments. I will play this level until I have 700 dollars, if I lose two tournaments in a row, I drop down a level, so it does not immediately wipe out my bankroll.

9/14/10 1:10 P.M.

Bankroll: 98 dollars and 30 cents……

Many people who play these double or nothing tournaments like to sit back and just wait it out. This means that they fold more than they normally would in a typical tournament or a cash game. I am more aggressive with my play in these tournaments because of this mentality of “waiting it out”.

I plan to take all 700 dollars I win and sit down a a 2 dollar/5 dollar no limit table at the nearby casino. I plan on a going on a Friday or Saturday night when there will be lots of drinking and more loose play. I plan on playing tighter than I did to win the 700 dollars, and instead wait it out for the right opportunity to get as much of my money in the pot, along with the best chance for me to win the entire pot. I can only justify putting 700 dollars down on a poker table if I won that 700 dollars from poker. I would not consider doing it any other way. My adventure begins on 9/14/10, I will show pictures of my account balance to update you on the way to the 700 dollars. This is a fool proof plan, and I plan on making steady gains until I have acquired the 700 dollars.

UPDATE 9/14/10 1:10 P.M.

Won two 20 dollar double or nothing sit and go’s

UPDATE 9/18/10

Fuck these people, no one knows what the fuck they are doing when they play against me, they don’t know when they should fold, and they certainly do not know when they should call. My first true attempt at a career in poker has been put on hiatus. Maybe I will try again in a month or so, hopefully all the amateurs are not around when I try it again…..

This is What Andrew Michaels is doing now…..

Plateaus and playlists……

Posted: September 9, 2010 in ALL ABOUT ME
Tags: bike, dance off, elliptical machine, exercise songs, plateau, playlist, running, workout

Exercising sucks when the goal is to get “back into shape”. Although being in shape and exercising is a pretty pimp feeling. Why do we call it “get back into shape”? Regardless of why it is called what it is, I have been going 6 weeks straight towards this goal. I have made my regiment quite simple this time in order to attain the goal of getting back in shape. One of the problems I have always dealt with, in regards to getting back into shape, is the eventual plateaus. There are multiple plateaus that can occur to possibly fuck with your intentions of getting back into shape. I originally had more than 2 plateaus on my mind to mention, but I type too much to want to express more than 2.

Possible plateaus:

The exercise-adaptability plateau (the workout or exercises you perform no longer are as effective in their results). Like when running no longer seems to help lose weight.

One would say

“Well then, use the bike or use the elliptical”,

my response is that

“I don’t want to do an exercise that makes me bored, or makes me feel gay.”

I have nothing against anything related to someone being gay, in fact I am good friends with quite a few people who are.

I just feel more flamboyant than I naturally feel as a heterosexual, while I am using a machine that makes me feel like I am running in the clouds. Running is suppossed to feel like you are in direct contact with the ground. I have no reason to rationally explain to you why I feel flamboyant when that direct contact with the ground is removed via the elliptical machine, but it does.

I feel out of place on an elliptical. I also feel out of place on the dance floor. I require my girlfriend’s hips, for me to lightly grab a hold of in order to have some sense of direction for my body to move in relation to. I never start a dance off. I do kind of wish I could be effective in a dance off at some point in my life though.

Not like

“I dance like Justin Timberlake, if he is ever approached with battling intentions by someone else on the dance floor in some flashy club.”

And more like

“I make it a joke, have fun with it, and have some goofy BUT extremely effective dance moves, which always wins over the crowd surrounding me during this dance off.”

Ed Helm’s character, Andrew Bernard on “The Office” is the perfect dancer in my eyes. He is someone who can dance goofy, but not look like an idiot. I believe this to be a harder feat to succeed in than it looks to be, and I am quite envious of his moves with a chair.

Within his goofiness, there is indeed a rhythmic ability, and some stylish effective dance moves. He doesn’t take it serious, he has fun as he dances like a goof (like most of us unfortunately do), but he actually has good moves too. I aspire to this level of dancing ability.

I forgot that writing about exercise plateaus…….

The next plateau is:

The boredom plateau Yeah, exercise can get pretty fucking boring, especially if you have a playlist that gets boring. I should never get bored of my playlist. I have over 200 gigs of music, but finding songs that are effective for an exercise playlist is not easy for me.

I have gone through so many songs that I find trouble finding music that I like AND enjoy exercising to. Songs lose there luster after a while, and the fire burns out within your workout because of this. Because of this abuse to music, resulting in my lack of interest in running one more step to ANY of the Rocky songs, I have had to find very random shit that gets me interested in my daily run.

I think that many people would find my playlist quite funny so I have decided to share with you the songs that currently get me through my workouts. These are the songs that I listen to during the actually run. They are what they are, some might take a little to get to the point of the songs that I enjoy.

The two examples of this are:

Shiny Toy Guns: This chick can sing, it takes a bit to get to when she lets loose, give it a minute to get going….

Daft Punk: The beat gets at a level that I enjoy around the 40 second mark

These songs I enjoy throughout the whole song:

Lady Gaga: (YUP) This chick fucking rocks, I admit it

Michael Jackson: (YUP) Yeah…….I don’t know why, but it works.

50 Cent: (7 years ago called, I know……….)

Mika: (YUP) Kind of like the same reasoning with Michael Jackson, I don’t know….

Bone Thugs: Out of all the bad-ass songs this group has, I choose to run to “Crossroads”

Chris Brown: I thought it sounded good long before the viral wedding video, or “The office” parody of it, but I do admit that it helped me like the song more. Plus, the dude beats up chicks that he dates.

I like to listen to a calmer song during my warm-up or cool-down:

Rusted Root: Currently I enjoy listening to this song, it is quite beautiful.

I hope that at least one of these songs is taken by someone else who reads this, and adds it to their own exercise playlist.

So this running is going well so far, I don’t over do it to try to get into shape quickly like I have in the past. I always end up crashing due to trying too much too soon. Each week I move up .20 miles per hour. I have never taken it this slow and it actually feels good. I feel like it will be easy to be successful this way, as long as Lady Gaga keeps me moving.

You should now find it funny if you ever see me exercising, because there is a good chance that either Mika, Chris Brown, Lady Gaga, or MJ is helping me get though my workout. I am just the type of guy that doesn’t give a fuck in letting you know.

I embrace my playlist, until I don’t…….

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now……….

Paranormal activities: The events that have occurred in the place that I call “home”.

Posted: September 7, 2010 in Uncategorized

First as a warning, I have not written anything this long since before the series finale of LOST. Be prepared for a long post, and come to your own conclusions, but know that I have no reason to fabricate anything that I am writing in this blog today. Also, anyone who was a witness to any of these events, please comment with your thoughts and interpretations of the events that I am about to describe. Some stories need background information, I apologize if it is long because of this. I feel the only way to truly explain some of these events is to elaborate on myself, my house, and some of my feelings towards it. I hope you find entertainment in this, that is the only reason I have a website, to entertain the reader. If you enjoy this, please pass it on to a friend who you think will find enjoyment in it too, I want to reach out to as many people as possible with my blog.

Paranormal activities: The events that have occurred in the place that I call “home”

On Saturday September 5, at around 10:00 at night, I experienced what I can only explain as a paranormal activity. There were a total of 4 witnesses to this event that took place in my living room. Before I get to explaining what happened, I would like to explain when I say paranormal, I do not necessarily mean a ghost. I mean that something strange occurred that cannot be normally explained. I guess I am a very open-minded individual. I believe in ghosts because we cannot prove that they don’t exist. My friend Drew does not believe in ghosts. He does not believe in ghosts because we cannot prove that they do exist. Luckily we both witnessed the event which inspired me to write this story.

There are a total of five events that I am aware of which have made myself or other people believe that there is possibly something not normal that takes place in my residence from time to time. I want to share all five events with you. Some might not be as good as others, but I consider each one to be its own piece of evidence that I would provide if anyone ever asked if I thought my house was “haunted”. I don’t like to say haunted, I think it sounds negative. I truly believe that it is possible to have paranormal events to take place in a residence, but not be considered negative. The four of us were perplexed by what we witnessed, but I do not think that any of us were scared by the event, a better way to describe it was that we were in awe of what we witnessed…….

Event 1

Date: September 6th 2010

Time: around 10:30 in the morning

Witness: Myself

Scratch that, it is now 6 events. After I wrote the first few paragraphs, I walked upstairs and just experienced something else which was not normal. I was walking through my kitchen and my cupboard was slightly opened. This is the cupboard where all of my glasses and mugs are stored. As I was walking by the cupboard I heard a noise inside it, and then one wine glass and one coffee mug both fell out of the cupboard. The cupboard was now wide open from the fall. One could rationally explain this by a mouse possibly moving through the cupboard knocking over the glass and mug, or that me walking by the cupboard shook the ground enough to rattle a glass and a mug enough to make both fall out of the cupboard. Both landed on the ground close to my feet, which of course were bare. I have never seen an event like this happen before in my house. Glasses and mugs do not fall out of my cupboards on a regular basis. On top of this, it happened as I precisely walked by the cupboard, and immediately after I wrote the first introduction paragraph to this post regarding paranormal activities that have occurred in the past 25 or so years in the residence that I have always called “home”.

Event 2 (The event which happened this weekend that inspired this long story)

Date: September 5th 2010

Time: around 10:30 at night

Witness: Myself, my girlfriend Kerri, our friend Drew, and our friend and his girlfriend Kristi

The four of us were sitting in the den watching television and having a conversation. This was a special night for the four of us. The four of us make it a habit to try to hang out on Sundays. I would say on average we get together on 2 Sundays each month. But, tonight was a little more enjoyable because all four of us did not have to work the next day due to Labor Day. This meant more drinking than usual. This meant shots. I suggested to the group that we do shots of the only tequila that I have ever enjoyed. It is Coffee flavored Patrone, and it is the balls (this means that it is awesome, trust me try it).

So I fill the metal mixer with ice and then I count to about 10 as I pour the coffee Patrone. I put the cover on it, I put the cap on the cover, and I start to shake it to get it nice and cold. Tequila drinkers will say that I should not do this with tequila, this is the only way I will drink tequila so I tell tequila drinkers to back off with their words. We do the shots, and all three of them agree that what they had just drank, was indeed a very good shot. There is enough left over in the mixer to have another shot each later in the night.

The time comes when we are ready to have our second round of tequila shots. My girlfriend takes the mixer off the coffee table in which it was sitting on and fills the shot glasses. She puts the mixer back down on the coffee table and puts the cap back on the cover. The cap looks like a little metal cup, a little larger than the size of a shot glass.

The mixer sits there for a few minutes, all that is inside the mixer now is the remaining ice that has not melted, and maybe less than one shot left of the Patrone, which was probably 50 percent melted ice.

This is what it looks like when the cap is on the correct way:

Here is a picture of what the cap looks like, it has a little weight to it (and yes, I know, I could indeed be a hand model):

In the middle of the conversation that we were having, the metal cap lifted off of the mixer very quickly, flipped 180 degrees to be perfectly upside down, and landed perfectly on the mixer. I took a picture of it before I touched the mixer. All four of us saw this happen, although all four of us did not witness it directly. It happened right in front of us, as we were all listening to what Drew was saying. Drew finished his sentence before anyone mentioned what we all witnessed. I think Drew finished what he was going to say much quicker than he initially intended to based on what we all just experienced.

These two pictures were taken immediately after it happened, I had not touched it yet (Yes the fan is dirty, fuck you for noticing):

Here is a little video I made showing you the cap, and kind of what it did, on its own, right in front of us.

When the cap flipped over it was extremely fluid in motion, much more fluid than I can do it. It seemed like as if it popped up very quickly and then magnetically flipped and was pulled down perfectly in place.

Drew does not believe in ghosts. He needs there to be a rational explanation to what he just witnessed. He came up with the possibility that the air that is released from the ice built up inside the mixer, causing the cap to burst off the mixer, flip over perfectly, and land perfectly on the mixer upside down. I have serious problems with this rational explanation to something irrational that we just experience. My girlfriend thought that she could believe Drew’s explanation for this event. He told me that my girlfriend believes in his idea, so I should as well.

I told Drew that Kerri does not truly believe in his explanation, but it is better than believing in the notion that there is a ghost inside the place that she calls home as well. I told Drew to ask Kerri what she really thought about his theory……. Kerri went on to tell Drew that she does not truly believe in his explanation, but it is better than believing in the notion that there is a ghost inside the place that she calls home.

Drew’s explanation is the only rational explanation that can be possible……..but Drew’s rational explanation is so irrational, it mind as well have been a ghost explanation. He knows this deep down inside, but he does not like being in situations like this, so he is doing the best that he can.

Why Drew’s explanation sucks:

There is no carbonation in Coffee Patrone, and the amount of air that is released from partially melted ice would not be enough to lift the metal cap off, never mind flip it perfect, and then finally make it land perfectly upside down. On top of this, the cap was only placed on the mixer for less than 5 minutes before this event occurred. This means that based on Drew’s ice melting-air releasing theory, enough air would have to be released in that short period of time in order to allow the cap to shoot off the mixer……….then make a perfect flip………..then land perfectly upside down on the mixer. Drew I appreciate your theory, I really do, but you know as well as I know, that is not what caused this event to happen. I am not saying that I have an explanation. I am just saying that your explanation does seem to be very flawed, even though it is the only real world explanation that there can be.

After we experienced the paranormal event last night, it was a good time for Kerri and Drew to smoke a cigarette to talk about what just happened. I stayed inside with Kristi and mentioned to her that there have been about 5 events that I am aware of, that have taken place in the last 25 or so years, within my residence, that people may or may not consider to be paranormal events, but definitely when put together, start to paint a picture of this being a possibility.

Since this conversation the other night, that number has jumped to 6. I rationally looked at the situation the other night as “there has only been an average of 1 event every 5 years, so it is not that bad.

That average has now changed to 1 event every 4.16 years. I would prefer that this average gets back up to over 5 years, but as long as the events are not harmful in anyway, I guess I am kind of OK with the average that it is at……. as long as it stays on a yearly average. If it gets to a monthly or daily average, I would probably just consider cutting my losses with the house that I have considered home for 30 years, and move on from it. On a side note, I truly feel OK with the events that have happened, and have never viewed them as a means to make me consider moving out of the house.

I think I need to explain my situation with my house before I explain any other events.

My House

My mother told me about some strange occurrences in our residence that occurred many years ago when my brother and I were very young. I believe that at this time my younger brother was not born. In fact it is possible that these memories took place before I was even born. One night about 5 years ago an event occurred in my residence and I talked to my mother about it. This event will be talked about later. I think I need to explain my situation with the house I live in first. I have always had the same “home” my entire life. My entire upbringing took place in this house. The only time I ever lived away from this home was while I attended college. Every summer during my college years I returned to the same bedroom I always had. After college I immediately moved back home. My mother always lived in this house up to this point in the early 2000’s as well, since her and my father bought this house in the late 1970’s. In 1994 my parents started the procedure for a divorce. My dad moved out.

So fast forward to 2002. My mother is happily in a relationship with her future husband. He lives in the house now as well. He was renting an apartment before this, and it made sense to not have her pay a mortgage and he pay rent somewhere else. They were in the process of building their house that they would live together in. He had a piece of land in a nice town, within the block of the bay/ocean.

So when I moved back home in 2002 after college, my mother was on the way out of the house within 5 months. She then rented the house to myself and a few of my friends. In the summer of 2005, I purchased the house from my mother. She was ready to sell, I was not in the right mindset at that point to say goodbye to my home. I bought my house because I did not want to have to deal with moving, and then on top of this saying goodbye to my childhood home. There is some comfort with the fact that I am 30 years old and I can truly say that I live in the very house that I have always called “home” since I was old enough to grasp the intellectual concept of having a home.

In some ways I can honestly say that this house that I live in has its strongest connection that it has ever had with anyone, with myself. It was built in the 50’s. I have considered this my home for 30 years. That is longer than anyone else who has ever lived here. Sure my brothers grew up here too, but they have moved on and do not or have not lived in this house for 7 years for my youngest brother, and 9 years for my older brother. Sure my parents raised us here in this house, but my father has not lived in this house for 15 years. My mother has not lived in this house for 8 years. Aside from my college years, where from September to May during the years of 1998-2002, I have lived in this house.

Unfortunately, even though I have the strongest bond with my house, my views towards it are not all that great. At least a few times a year I hyperventilate with stress due to my discontent with my house. I feel like when I bought this house, I bought the problems that came with the house that I did not really consider upon purchasing it.

One of my main gripes with my house is that it has many large oak trees in the front and in the back yard. These oak trees look wonderful and it makes the neighborhood look very established. Like it is a neighborhood that has been around for a long time. It is not a neighborhood that looks like a new development with perfectly flat properties, and no trees in sight, other than freshly planted infant stage trees that will take 40 or more years of growth to compare to the size of the trees in my neighborhood.

So they look nice, but the damage they inflict on my house and property is awful. There is always a problem because of them.

In the Fall, I have to deal with a ridiculous amount of leaf cleanup. I have purchased a self-propelled leaf vacuum, because raking fucking sucks. It does not cut the grass, just picks up the leaves. I soon realized that this was not enough. I also needed a good leaf blower. For my 29th birthday my father gave me a gift certificate to Lowes Hardware. I decided that I should spend money on a good backpack leaf blower, and use this gift certificate towards the purchase of it. I told my girlfriend about my thoughts on buying one. She said “If it makes you happy…..” .

I expressed to her that it does not make me happy that I am going to be spending my birthday gift money on the purchase of a leaf blower. Who the fuck wants to spend their “celebration of life and being born money” on a leaf blower? I sure as hell didn’t, but I understood that buying this contraption would make my constant battle with my oak trees in the Fall, that much easier to deal with.

In the winter I have to deal with a large amount of sticks that fall on my property from the oak trees. At the end of each winter, I have to go on my roof with a large push broom, to sweep all the sticks and debris that have landed on and remained on my roof.

During the winter, my property is the last in the neighborhood to still have snow on it. After a snow storm, snow usually melts away due to some days of warmer weather. Due to the position of my house, and due to the large oak trees blocking more sunlight, the snow melts the slowest on my property. Across the street it looks like a cold spring day, look across the street to my property and there is still a layer of snow still covering everything.

In the spring it starts with a large amount of “orange stringy” things that fall down and get everywhere. After all the “orange stringy” things have fallen for a few weeks, the trees decide to change it up a bit. The trees at this point like to have a dirty green dusty pollen like material fall to the earth. This makes my white chairs green, my patio green, my jacuzzi cover green, my deck green, and so on. Everything requires to be power-washed. I do not power-wash, nor do I pay anyone to come over to do so.

In the summer the trees look wonderful. But they still release a large amount of acorns and sticks that do not take a strong hold. I have included a picture of my driveway. About 6 weeks ago I had someone seal coat my driveway. It came out wonderful. It made the property look much nicer to have a very sharp, black driveway. The luster has worn off to my newly seal coated driveway, my oak trees will not allow me to have the driveway I want, at least without having to use my birthday present on a daily basis on it. Fuck that…..

Here is a picture of the driveway in its natural state due to sharing the space with these oak trees.

I feel like I cannot get my backyard in the state I want it until I remove the two large oak trees in the backyard. This is because if I put a lot of time and money into the backyard, the oak trees will just be at a constant battle with my backyard causing entropy to my time and money. So first thing is first, I need to cut these trees down.

The problem is that the backyard is hard place to access for a tree cutting bucket truck. My estimate I received to have these two trees cut down was around 2000 dollars. Then I would have to have them chopped up to a reasonable size for burning. That will cost 700 dollars to pay someone to split about 5 or 6 cords of wood. This is an expensive project. I fell like every time I look at the backyard which I am unhappy with in its current state, I start to hyperventilate, because I realize that I need to spend close to 3000 dollars before I can even begin on the work I want to do to the backyard to get it up to the standard that I want it to be. This eventual backyard revitalization will also cost time and money, which causes additional hyperventilation.

A few times a year the stress from the oak trees or something else related to my property causes to get the best of me. I sit, I hyperventilate, and I express my pure distaste for this place I have called “home” for my entire life. I regret ever buying it from time to time. But my choices have been made and I get beyond my anger I am feeling. I try to think about all the things that I truly do appreciate in owning this house.

I have a love/hate relationship with my home. Oak trees are one of my biggest stress causing parts of being a homeowner where I am a homeowner.

Event 3

Date: Late 1970’s – Early to mid 1980’s

Witness: My mother and myself

My mother never saw anything that made her think that our house might have some strange things occurring in it, instead it is what she heard. Every once in a while when my mother was alone in the house, she claims to have heard a baby crying. She could never figure out where the noise came from, but sounded as if if she was on one side of the house, the crying noises were coming from the other side of the house. There were no infants in the neighboring houses, and these crying noises took place before she had infants of her own, or when us children old enough to not cry like an infant baby. Besides, she could see us not crying, so she could easily rule out that it was not her children who were causing the crying.

In the backyard she told me that she found stone arrowheads in the ground, she never said that she thought that there was a Native American burial ground in the vicinity of my property. She was just telling me that there is a long history that did take place in this area.

Throughout my childhood I experienced noises as well, which were always assumed by myself to be my imagination.

The best way for me to describe this is as such:

I am sitting in a room in my house, I am around 7 or 8 years old, and it sounds like there is a lot of “Activity” in the basement. It sounds like there are at least 5 or 6 things that are together making noises of either conversation, or just some form of interaction. Many times I remember really sitting there quietly to make sure that I really was experiencing some type of noise. Then I would walk down the stairs to go into the room where the noises were coming from. It was as if all the activity abruptly came to a stop upon me entering the room. The thing is that it didn’t seem like it was always quiet in that room. It truly felt as if I witnessed the noises coming to an abrupt stop due to my presence, and not that I was actually entering a room which always was quiet.

Event 4

Date: Late 1980’s

Witness: Myself

This one time I was running down the stairs into the basement, the same basement that I am writing this story in right now. When I got to the bottom of the stairs I tripped and fell. When I hit the ground I heard a very distinct whisper. It was as if it was right in my ear, not from across the room, right next to me. I heard “ANDY……….” , in a whisper. It was real enough to make me run upstairs and cry to my mother about what I just experienced. She came up with every single rational excuse that a parent will do for a child in a situation like that. I started to feel better about it, but I never truly believed any of the excuses that she gave me to make me feel better. Essentially I just moved on from the experience, without trying to understand why I was whispered to. Much in the same way I am just moving on from the most recent events that have happened, but this time I have a blog to share the experience with you before I just let it go.

Something that has stuck with me from time to time is an odd feeling that I had as a child. Running up the basement stairs as a child, always felt like I was being chased. Not a harmful chase, but a chase nonetheless which always caused me to book it up the stairs. As a 30-year-old, I would be lying if I still didn’t feel that sensation from time to time. I still run up my stairs from time to time. It is not because I am in a rush to get anywhere, I am in a rush to not feel that sensation. It passes as soon as I make it to the top.

I believe that if there really is something else in the place that I call home, that it is aware of who I am. This event proves that, since it said my name to me. I feel also that it is aware of my longtime bond with the house that I call home. I also believe that if there is something else here, it knows that I am positive energy and a good person at heart (as often as possible).

The next event that took place is not one that I talk about often, because I don’t talk about prior relationships often. I feel that if there is something else in this house, and if it is aware of me, that the next event which I am about to explain, whatever it is that is causing these events to happen was doing this next event for my benefit.

Event 5

Date: Summer 2005

Witness: The Ex

One time I got into a fight with my ex girlfriend. We had both been drinking. We both enjoyed to drink at this time of our lives. But she really really enjoyed to drink at that point in our lives. After the fight she stormed upstairs, and I stayed on the couch where we were fighting. I assumed that I was going to watch TV downstairs. More than likely I would sleep downstairs as well because I was quite disgusted with her, and quite disgusted with myself for being in a relationship with a type of person like her. She could be different today, I don’t know, I will never know, I don’t have any interest in finding out.

As mad as she was, due to her drunkenness and lack of rational thought, I knew that she did not want to really be alone. I wondered what she could possibly do to make me even consider going upstairs to be with her. And then she did the only thing possible to make me consider being with her regardless of my discontent with her and our relationship. She came down the stairs as white as a ghost with her eyes wide open. She said that she was in the bathroom and that she watched the faucet turn on, pour out water for a little while, and then turn off on its own. I didn’t believe her because she was drunk. Looking back, I have to wonder why would anyone make up something like that, even if they were drunk. That is some very random, fucked up shit to make up, just to not have to apologize to me, in order to get me to be with her.

I take it as whatever else could possibly be inhabiting this house saw that this girl was not right for me, or me for her for that matter. It’s possible that it was letting her know that this is no place for her and maybe she should move on. That happened shortly after this event.

A month or so later the relationship came to an end. We were far from good for each other. The night we broke up, I told her some of the things that I did not like about her, primarily regarding her embarrassing public behaviors, and her uncanny ability to be rude to me on occasion. She replied with “Well you start projects in the house, and don’t finish them!” I must admit that she got me there………

My life has become much better since she was removed from it.

Around this time in 2005, there were a few events that were brought to my attention which made me question whether or not my house could have other things, which cannot be rationally explained inhabiting it. But nothing had ever happened to me since childhood that scared me, the whisper being the main thing. After this event occurred I told my mother about it, and that is when she talked to me about the baby cries that she heard from time to time.

Event 6

Date: Summer 2005

Witness: Dan, a friend and brief roommate

Dan moved in my house only for around 2-3 months. During this time I would say he disappeared for 2 weeks straight at the end of his stay at my house. I took his vacation away from my house as “Dan just being Dan”.

Dan moved out because he thought the house was haunted. He took off for a few weeks because he witnessed an event which scared him enough to want to leave the house, and go back to his parents house for sanctuary. He never told me he was leaving, he just left his stuff at my house, and took off for two weeks. One day I was sitting on my couch watching tv with a friend, and Dan just walked into the room after not hearing from him or seeing him for the first time in two weeks. He sat down and just said “What’s up Andy?”, and then proceeded to just hang out with us on the couch while we watched TV. Dan gave no explanation to his lack of appearance for two weeks straight. He did mention to me that he decided that he was just going to move back home. I just took it as “Dan being Dan”. Dan is unique to begin with so it wasn’t all that odd that this was his behavior in his way of moving out. He left my house owing me some money, which he quickly forgot that he owed me. I was not mad at him for this because it was not his intentions to forget, but Dan was just being Dan. He left a decent quality circular saw tool over my house because he was working in carpentry at the time. He forgot to ever pick up this piece of equipment up because Dan was being Dan. I considered Dan being Dan by forgetting to pay me my money, was canceled out by Dan being Dan by forgetting to pick up his tool (which has turned out quite handy having).

Dan now works as a mail carrier. I originally wrote a short piece for my blog which was entitled “Is your mail clean?”. This was in regards to the funny stories he told me about Dan being Dan in the world of Mail Carrying. When you are out in a neighborhood you might have to go to the bathroom at some point. Dan found out that the most convenient way to deal with the lack of a bathroom in the suburbs, is to use the mail truck as his bathroom. There is the area in the back of a mail truck where all the mail is stored, it can be totally private. There are no windows, and the door can be locked. This is the perfect mobile restroom.

Anytime he had to take a piss, a bottle with a large mouth opening would be his toilet. A vitamin water bottle is much easier to take a leak in as opposed to a soda bottle. On one occasion Dan had to take a shit. Dan used a “Cheeze-its” box or a “Ritz cracker” box for a toilet on this occasion. I forget what he used for toilet paper. I do remember Dan telling me that he went a year without buying or using toilet paper, and instead just based his shower schedule around his shit schedule. The point of sharing these stories with you is because there is a good chance that your mail is not clean.

Dan was sleeping in his bedroom in the basement of my house. He likes to sleep with a fan on. This fan was a stand up fan and it was pointed towards him as he was sleeping. He awoke to a loud noise that he described as if someone had put their hand or some object in the fan while it was on, and making it come to an abrupt stop. You know the ripple noise a fan makes at first when the object starts to enter the fan and the fan hits it multiple times quickly since it is spinning fast? He heard that noise and then awoke to seeing the fan no longer spinning, but it was still powered on.

Here is a video which I believe gives a good representation of what Dan experienced to wake him up in the middle of the night:

Five years later he still believes my house to be haunted. He still comes over but told me he will never sleep over here again. I believe he has passed out drunk on my couch once or twice though. He also passed out drunk on my pool table once, but I think that was before he moved in.

So there you have it, the six events that have happened on my property to make me consider the possibility of something else going on here that cannot be rationally explained. I have a friend from high school and college named Jen, she had many experiences in her house as well. Maybe she will come across this blog someday and want to share her experiences.

Please feel free to comment on any experiences that you cannot rationally explain that have occurred in your life.

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now……….

Just a quick post……

Posted: September 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

When someone uses a search engine to find some information on something and they then click on my web page, I will be able to see what they typed into the search engine to come to my site. Most of the time they are not looking for my site, but it just so happens that I have at one time or another over the past 8 months talked about the topic that they are trying to find information on.

Over the life of my blog the terms “underwater rocks”, “Stephen Hawking”, “robot unicorn attack”, and “Andrew Michaels” have all been used to find my site.

In the last month though, the most common searched term I have seen that people have typed into a search engine to then come to my site, has been “WHY DOES MY ASSHOLE HURT”. This makes me feel less crazy, since other people have similar sensations from time to time. Check out my posting on this topic if you have not yet……

Why does my ass hurt?

Here is a screen shot to show you what I saw today……