Archive for January, 2011

I just realized that I might not be as good of a person that I thought I was.  Before I explain what I just did, I must also point out that this is the second Friday night in a row in which I find myself on the couch writing for my blog.

Before you pass judgment and assume that I am getting to a point in my life where I seem to rather stay in on Friday nights, I must say that you need to hear that I am not choosing to sit on the couch and write on Friday nights, it just coincidentally happened that way the past two weeks.

Yes, last Friday night I did indeed do nothing on the couch……..but write about ancient aliens.  This Friday night is different.  Yes, its is like last Friday in every same way except I do indeed have plans.  I am waiting on the couch for my good friend Vin, who is coming over at midnight, he always works second shift at a news station in Massachusetts.

Vin has been a great friend since Kindergarten.  That makes it close to 25 years of friendship in our 30 year old lives.  He has a wife and a daughter now.  Sometimes we get together on a Friday/ Saturday night after he gets out of work.  His wife and daughter will be asleep, so it is a time in which he can come over around midnight and hang out for a couple hours before he heads home.  He still has to wake up at an early time, so we don’t come close to getting wasted.

This was the first time we were to get together in a few weeks, so I decided that I should buy us some beer that I know we will both enjoy. Going to buy this beer leads to the situation I was in which made me originally say  “I just realized that I might not be as good of a person that I thought I was”.

But, before I can explain that situation, I need to talk about which beer I automatically choose and the two different factors which brought me to this decision.

First off, the beer……….. I would buy a four pack of guinness.

Reason 1:

It’s only four beers, so we can have two pints of good dark beer that we both enjoy, we will both be slightly tired so we won’t need much beer.

Reason 2:

The first time that I embraced how wonderful a guinness can be, was when I was given one by Vin who recommended me having one.

Now………………….. you now understand every single thing that came together in order for me to be in a liquor store at 9:00 on a Friday night.

I walked into the small liquor store down the street from my house.

There is only one guy working.  I instantly judge with no control over what I naturally think of him:

“Looks a little thin.  Probably late thirties, early forties.  This fucking guy looks like he drinks quite a bit.  He has that face which makes me feel that the reason he works in a liquor store……….is because he likes to drink.”

I barely make eye contact with this man, who I so quickly judged.  I asked if he had any guinness.  He said “yes”, and walked behind the counter.  I look at the glass door as he opens it,  and then at my prize as he removes it.  He hands it to me, my eyes still on my alcohol.  He mentions a price, and I barely look up at him as I hand him the 20 dollar bill.  He hands me my change, now I fumble to put it in my wallet with one hand which my eyes have now focused on.

I say to him “Thank you very much man, take it easy…….” as I am turning away from him, as I am finishing fumbling with all the bills that need to go in my wallet, as my eyes have never left my wallet.  I never looked up to the guy once.

I then realized, that I never really even acknowledged this guy as being an actual person.  He was initially judged by me upon the first second of me seeing him.  He was nothing more than a worker who I guess that I can instantly create an origin story for.

I didn’t even have the decency to look up at him as I thanked him.  I felt that I caught myself naturally acting as if I was above him.

I realize my ignorance in this situation……….

I need to make amends.

I should go back to that liquor store right now………..

When I see him, I will not judge him this time regarding whether or not he likes to drink………….

I will not make up origin stories explaining how he came about working at this small liquor store…….

I will treat this man as an actual person this time, instead treating him as just a worker who doesn’t deserve my attention………

I will leave right now……….Oh, fuck…….. it is 10:30…………………. The liquor store closed at 10:00.

I will not find him there…….he’s probably well on his way to getting shitfaced in some unknown location as we speak…….

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing on another Friday night……….


This blog posting today was originally supposed to be a reply to the comment in my ANCIENT ALIENS post (which is directly below this post).  Joe commented on it and I was replying.  Then, my reply started to get longer than normal, AND I felt that it was a question that everyone should ask themselves to honestly answer to themselves.  If anyone feels like sharing your answer, you are more than welcome to reply to this post.

This question is to be read and answered with the perspective that there is no afterlife or heaven, in either scenario that the question provides.)

Take your time reading each scenario; think about it from both sides, and then reply your choice when you believe you have come to a conclusion.

My question:

Which scenario would you rather experience, if you have to absolutely choose one?

(Upon making your choice, your life would start over from the beginning, so you could fully experience either scenario you choose)

Scenario 1:

You live a very tough life.  You have many struggles throughout it.  It almost seems as if you were cursed.  You get through each struggle in a very inspiring way although no one seems to notice.  You die younger than the average person.  You die poor.  You have few possessions.  People wouldn’t say you were “ugly”, but you were barely “average looking”.

Throughout all these struggles, you one day experience something extraordinary.  The way in which you react to this event leads to your story ALWAYS being remembered.  You will always represent a perfect role model for future generations until the end of mankind.  In order for humanity to truly excel to the next level, everyone looks to your story for guidance in how they should live.

People pray to JOE or (whatever your name may be) each and every night.  You are a person that lived tens of thousands of years ago, yet people remember you and your story.  You will always be remembered.  You help mankind move forward from all the bullshit which we are causing throughout the planet.  Mankind excels to unimaginable levels all while during a permanent peaceful existence ….

(end of scenario 1)



Scenario 2:

You never have any struggles in life.  You are rich, you are very intelligent, and you are a “real Brad Pitt looking motherfucker”.    The world is yours for the taking.  The best toys, the best houses, the best cars, the best parties, oh and………you are the fucking MAN.

People think about you because you are rich and famous.  Television shows like “Extra” will report on you constantly, when they speculate their information with a question mark at the end, in order to not get sued by your personal public image team of lawyers.  These slanderous quotes can be said on television without worry of prosecution, since they are in the form of a question.  It is like teenage girl gossip bullshit on nuclear fucking power……….”The adult gossip bullshit”.

Some people choose to watch these shows and read the bullshit tabloids, as a main form of their entertainment.  If they only have a half hour to watch TV, then they choose to watch garbage like “Extra”.   The only thing that they EVER read, is the various tabloid/gossip magazines…..(I can’t even think of the name of one)

These people base 50 percent of all their conversations on the gossip of the rich good-looking people that they don’t know.

These people will WORSHIP you.  But you know that these people who worship you……….are pretty lame.  You don’t want to be around them.

These people are more focused on who the TV show says that you are allegedly sleeping with, then focusing on the staph infection on their shoulder that should have been dealt with by a doctor two weeks ago.  They say to themselves each day, “It’s too expensive to go to the clinic, it will go away on its own……”  (This daily quote is what got them to where they are in terms of their advanced stage boil.)

You eventually die, and your worshipers all eventually die of various things which common sense would have prevented.

You are almost completely forgotten within 100 years of your death.  Those that do remember you, only do so because they are your future generations who are rich because of you. They are living extremely well off the trust funds and interest that your fortune still creates well after death.  Eventually though, your future generations will start to dip into the principle balances.

The principle money is gone within 200 years of your death, meaning the only thing that made your future generations remember you is now gone.  You are then completely forgotten……. forever.

Mankind does not receive any benefit from you, other than the entertainment of some people in the late 20th and early 21st century.

(end of scenario 2)

So there you have it………..

  • You can live the worst this world can offer, but inspire mankind to unimaginable levels and become their new form of “God”.


  • You can live the best this world can offer, but offer no real inspiration for mankind. You are soon forgotten forever.

(Remember that there is no afterlife or heaven in either scenario. You will start life your life over from scratch, and you will always be unaware of the choice you made.)


I don’t need to answer this question, because I spent a decent amount of my snow day writing it…….

My short answer would be:

If I was forced to pick one, I would take scenario 1.  I just wouldn’t pick either one right away.  I would enjoy my life a little while longer, before I decided to start a life full pain which leads to the eventual prospering time for mankind.

Although……..throughout my entire life; I have always loved money, and I have always really, really, really wanted to be rich……..

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now………….


I must admit that I really do enjoy watching the television show “Ancient Aliens”.

Think about this question:

“Did God come from Earth?”

The obvious answer is universally accepted as “No, God is not from Earth”.  This would mean that God comes from somwhere other than Earth; and would be considered an alien, based on our definition of the word:

“A creature from outer space”

So lets say that the thing in which we call God, was actually a visitor from somewhere else in the universe (or outside of the universe?).  This individual would be a really extraordinary living being.   It would be capable of traveling incomprehensible distances through space.  It would look extremely superior to the people thousands of years ago who chose to write down a story in which they had an experience with what they can only assume is their “God” or a “Creator”.

These stories could be what make up the Old Testament, or any other ancient text involving any form of a God.  All those stories could actually be the best interpretation of visits from aliens. These visits led to knowledge being passed down, showing us how we should live.

I feel that God does indeed exist, except I have no way of being able to describe something in which I have never personally experienced or met myself.  I cannot let anyone’s interpretation of what God is fill my mind, I leave it open for personal interpretation if I ever get the chance to meet this superior being.

I believe that whatever God is and if it is still around, it is most likely not too happy with the overall state of mankind.  We are doing a lot of the things that were told we are not to do.  We are human, we are imperfect.  We are supposed to live in an imperfect world in order to see how we choose to live our lives in that imperfect world.

I guess I have become less religious in the way I once was.  I was not the church going type, but for a large portion of my life I based many decisions on the idea that one day I was to be judged by God upon my death.

I haven’t really worried about being judged anymore.  I try my best to be good to those around me.  I hope to have a more positive impact on this planet than a negative impact.  Every now and then I will be a negative impacting individual, but I always feel that my positive impacts will hopefully out weigh my negatives.  On top of this, I always feel bad if I am a negative impacting individual.  This is how I rationalize that I will get into the afterlife or heaven if it exists, without being religious in the way most religious people seem to think that it is required to enter such a place.

Even if I was actually visited by God and I was told that there is no afterlife, I feel I would still live the way I live now.  I feel that we are part of something much larger and incomprehensible in scale.  We cannot just be here by chance. Something had to allow for the conditions; which allowed us to be here, to even be conditional in the first place.  So something allowed us to live; because of the conditions which were allowed to naturally be present in the universe.

We are definitely here for a reason.  We just might not ever be able to comprehend why we are here, or the reason might make us feel a hell of a lot less significant in the grand picture.  Either way I would want to know, even if it meant me realizing that we are far from important in the realm of things.  I only hope that one day I will experience something that explains this to me.

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing on a Friday night………..

Give it a chance……

Posted: January 8, 2011 in ALL ABOUT ME

I am still debating whether I want to discuss in detail the act of shitting one’s pants as an adult, actually it is not debatable whether or not if I will write about it, but just when I will get around to expressing everything that needs to be addressed on the subject of such a monumental event…..  For now, just listen to this song (which has absolutley nothing to do with shit,  pants, or how the two could be associated with each other in any conceivable way.)



This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now………

2010 in review

Posted: January 2, 2011 in Uncategorized

The stats helper monkeys at mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 7,300 times in 2010. That’s about 18 full 747s.


In 2010, there were 101 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 108 posts. There were 341 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 536mb. That’s about 7 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was April 29th with 154 views. The most popular post that day was LOST VIDEO: 8 MINUTES AND 15 SECONDS BEFORE THE FIRST EPISODE OF LOST…..

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were,,,, and

Some visitors came searching, mostly for male ass, boondock saints, underwater rocks, nice penis, and male nudity.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.




True Blood = True Suck…… August 2010


Movie Review: Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day March 2010


Team SMOKE MONSTER March 2010


My Theory: Why we have not been formally greeted by EXTRA TERRESTRIALS. March 2010