Archive for the ‘MEETING FAMOUS PEOPLE’ Category

Sometimes a movie comes out at the wrong time for you to truly embrace it.  I was looking around on the internet the other day, and I saw a recently taken picture of Sharon Stone.  I must say that although it is apparent that she is aging, she still looks pretty damn good. (as seen below)

I thought about about what I would say to her if I had the opportunity to bump into her.  The easy route would be to talk about “Casino” with her.  She was pretty awesome in that movie and deserves recognition on a regular basis.  But I think it would be a better conversation if I were to talk to her about the untimely release of “Basic Instinct” which ruined the actual movie experience for myself.

I believe the first time I saw “Basic Instinct” was in the 8th grade, when I somehow got a hold of the VHS version of it.  I was kind of awesome in 8th grade (in terms of my bedroom setup).  I had saved up my money for a year or so, and I bought at 19 inch TV, AND my own VCR which I had in my bedroom.  Now I know this sounds pretty common today, but try seeing how common it was in 1993 for a 12 year old.  I was the only person I knew at that age, who had such a private movie viewing experience/opportunity in my own bedroom.  This meant I could watch shit that, we probably were not supposed to be watching at that age (by our parents standards anyways), and we also had a much better shot at not getting caught in the process of watching something which was deemed inappropriate by our parents.

I remember I had a sleep over one night with three of my best childhood friends:   J.K. Jeremy Kenney Cool Cat Kid, Dave, and Vin  (For some reason myself, Vin, or Dave never had any cool nickname worth mentioning like Jeremy had and still occasionally has today, with references to the past).  We walked down the street to go to the video store where the owners were definitely the type to not care if they rented non-pornographic, but nonetheless very fucked up movies, to 12 and 13 year olds.  There was only one movie that we wanted to rent from that whole store more than anything else.  It was called “Make Them Die Slowly…”, and our wish came true for this very sleepover.  We rented it Thursday afternoon, and went to school on Friday, knowing that Friday night, we would all get to watch it.  It was a pretty exciting day at school and full of anticipation.

Little did we know that it was going to be about a group of people getting hunted in the jungle by cannibals.  We saw the NC-17 rating, and we just assumed that it was going to be a horror movie filled with lots of T & A.

Needless to say, the movie was fucked up and pretty disturbing.  One guy got his dick cut off while he was tied up, and it was eaten immediately, right in front of him.  He was later thrown back down into a pre-dug pit for prisoner holding.  He and a few others ended up escaping in the end, but I can only look back and think:

  • “Why bother leaving and trying to escape, if your dick is no longer attached, and it is currently being digested by that leader cannibal dude?   Life takes on many different qualities and perspectives as soon as you no longer have your unit, especially if you do not have one, because it was cut off and eaten by someone else.”

Living a life without a unit, after a life of having one, must be an extremely difficult task to adapt to.  All women would be at amazed at the high level of communication which takes place between the male owner and his unit.  A dog is FAR from a man’s best friend…….  The common communication breakdown of this relationship, which happens with age and poor health, has led to the creation of Viagra, and now Pfizer is raking in billions due to this.

Our units tell us when we are:

  • Happy
  • Sad
  • Sick
  • Infected
  • Watching something that looks like it hurts
  • Watching something that looks like it feels good….
  • When we are falling abruptly in an amusement park ride

Back to Sharon Stone……..”Basic Instinct” came out at the wrong time for me to experience everything the movie had to offer.  Back then, plot did not matter much in movies, as I was still growing mentally, and I would consider my former self, kind of retarded, by my standards of people and mentalities of today to which I find acceptable.

I think that if I ever bumped into Sharon Stone, I would mention to her how,  “I was sorry that my adolescent self and inadvertently my adult self, never got to experience the movie for all it had to offer, because I was too focused on seeing boobies the first 15 times I watched it.”

My friends and I watched “Basic Instinct” primarily for:

  • Sharon Stone’s sex scene in the beginning
  • Sharon Stone’s infamous interrogation scene
  • Sharon Stone’s walk through her house in the background fully nekkid
  • Sharon Stone’s lesbian behaviors with her crazy girlfriend
  • Sharon Stone’s sex scenes with Michael Douglas

Through multiple viewings of this movie, (primarily for these reasons above)  I inadvertently:

  • Realized that Michael Douglas got all kinds of ridiculous ass in the 90’s……(never mind probably in the 70’s, 80’s, 00’s and the 10’s)

AND

  • I found out all about the plot and its twists , thus ruining the first viewing movie experience (which is usually the best viewing, due to the unknown about to happen and be experienced).

I never felt the need in highschool, college, or since college to revisit this movie.  If “Basic Instinct” came out recently I might have said that:

  • It was a pretty good movie
  • There were some pretty good twists in the movie that I didn’t see coming
  • Sharon Stone is pretty fucking hot and gets naked MULTIPLE times
  • Michael Douglas gets all kinds of ridiculous ass. and I still am envious of his hair he has in  “Jewel of the Nile”…..

Unfortunately I will never get to experience Basic Instinct in this way.  It will forever be remembered by me as one of the  movies that my friends and I would watch together, while we all had hardons, and we just let those hardons be for as long as they chose to be, in the state that they were in while Sharon Stone was showing us Sharon’s stone.

Looking back, I cannot believe at how many pornographic, group-viewing, sessions my male friends and I had.  I wish I could go back in time and teach my younger self a few things about life.  One of these lessons would focus on GETTING THE FUCK OUT of those group-viewing pornographic sessions with my male buddies, and start utilizing pornos the way they are supposed to be utilized.  I probably would have been much better off, less stressed, and much more laid back in my teen years, had I not been as “backed up” as I was……..

Sharon Stone, you got me to thinking a lot this morning.  It has been a week or so since I have had any interest to write anything at all.  I thank you for that.  I  also thank you for 8th grade memories of childhood, and most importantly I thank you for showing us your boobies, so we had something to pay attention to in “Basic Instinct”, at an age when we were too young to care about anything resembling a plot in a movie.

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now…..

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Fuck Screech, he is not worth my time so I have decided to leave this list blank. Also he is not worth saying anything to, if I ever bump into him.  He probably thrives off of people recognizing him and giving him attention.  The only good thing he ever did was have a small part in the movie “Made”.  If you have not seen the movie “Made”, do yourself a favor and watch it the next time you want to watch a movie, but of course only after you have watched Star Trek first.  Vince Vaughn was of course playing Vince Vaughn, but this was before he played Vince Vaughn in his following 10 movie appearances after he starred in  “Made”.

One of the scenes in the movie took place at the “Tavern on the Green” in New York City, which recently went out of business.  I must say that I am very happy that it went under.  I was once coaxed into going there back in the early 2000’s.  The people that I was with, I guess liked to go to nice overpriced places. I on the other hand was pissed off the entire time I was there, due to the idiotic prices people were willing to pay in order to be seen or say that they ate at the “Tavern on the Green”…….I cannot believe how much of my weekly salary at that time, went towards a medicore dining experience.

One person we were at the restaurant with, bought an Iceburg lettuce salad as a starter.  It cost 13 fucking dollars and it was just  10 pieces of iceburg lettuce taken off of the lettuce head and placed on top of each other on the plate, BUT I must say that they were kind enough to give a little cup of salad dressing on the side.  They had the balls to not even slice up the lettuce for their overpaying customers.  I am officially stating that I am happy that we live in a world without Tavern on the Green.

I guess I have spent a lot of time doing things throughout my life, without a clue to why I was doing them.  I bought my house because it seemed like the convenient thing to do at the time, instead of moving, even though the mortgage at the time was 75% of my take home pay.

When I was in fourth grade, my slicked back haircut was a really big deal to me.  My mother had to help me style it with gel and hairspray every morning.  One morning she was sick and could barely get out of bed.  She told me that she could not help me with my hair, because she was very sick (physically of course)……. Unfortunate for her, I was much more sick (mentally of course)…….. because I cried up a fucking storm until she got her sick ass out of bed to do my mutherfucking hair……real gangster shit I pulled on her right there……I still feel bad about this 20 years after the fact.   On a side note, we never moved out of Warwick, because I cried up another storm until my mother said that “we wouldn’t move”….. I still feel EXTREMELY BAD about this 20 years after the fact…….

I was in the 6th grade chorus, I have no idea why I did this.  When I was seven years old I woke up in the middle of the night and puked all of the ho-ho’s and ding-dong’s onto my chest that I had eaten before I fell asleep.  I willingly choose to just fall back asleep instead of dealing with it.

These are just some of the reasons why I can honestly and safely say that I  have been an idiot for the majority of my life.  I have been making strides in the right direction though.

On a side note, do me a favor and try eating 4 fiber-one bars in one day and tell me how you feel the next day.  Please comment your results so I can compare them to my own.  They were on sale at a grocery store near my house for 98 cents a box.  Chocolate and Oats man………chocolate and fucking oats…….good shit.

This is WhatAndrewMichaelsisdoingnow, talking about the five things that I wouldn’t say to Schreech, hoping that you take my advice and watch “Made”, talking about a small percentage of the dumb things I have chosen to willingly do in life, and hoping that you will take the fiber one challenge……