Archive for July, 2011

Jumbo marshmallows

Posted: July 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

Have you seen these jumbo marshmallows?

I have……I instantly bought them with the intentions of making smores when we had some people over.

That night passed…….and two thirds of the bag remained after that night. This was two weeks ago.

I have slowly eaten away at them……. as-Is.

No s’mores………

No peanut butter sandwich with jumbo marshmallows instead of marshmallow fluff……..

Just a man; eating something the size of a small apple, made entirely of marshmallow……all by itself.

Tonight, I have come to a crossroad…….

There were three left. I decided to take two, and leave one.

I know it sounds crazy to leave one marshmallow all by itself in that bag on the counter….. for multiple reasons.

First, it will be a less satisfying snack than tonight, since it will be half the snack.

Second, who the fuck leaves one marshmallow behind?

Apparently I do…….

Isn’t there some unspoken law I am breaking; that basically revolves around some type of buddy system, in regards to how many marshmallows should be left behind until they are all taken?

From time to time, I leave empty boxes behind with no food left inside them…….right there in the cupboard.

I have no explanation to why I do it……

“Oh hello guest in my house……you want a mocha fiber-one bar??? Sorry dude……none in there, I forgot to throw away the empty box……how about some graham crackers instead?

We bought some for s’mores the other night and have a full box unopened…….go get em…”

Anyways……..

Three jumbo marshmallows as is seemed like a bit too much.

Now I have a bag on my counter which is holding 1 jumbo marshmallow.

My girlfriend has not mentioned once the fact that our s’mores supplies have slowly diminished to the point of there only being one more fucking jumbo marshmallow.

She is pretty cool….and quite pretty.

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now……

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This guy is going NO WHERE with his life.  Focusing all of his efforts into basketball…….What is he thinking?

What a waste of talent.

I have no qualm in telling you that:

I truly admit that my efforts lately in maintaining a continuous source of random shit on my website, on a fairly regular basis………is very poor.

I have a lot going on and my attention seems to be devoted to that, instead of this.

I still think of good stuff that I want to share, it’s just that it is all back burner in my mind……..maybe back-back burner. I do still audio record my ideas for this site, and occasionally come up with a chapter synopsis for a story I am fiddling with.

Fiddling sounds kind of dirty……………….probably because it rhymes with diddling.

Being labeled a “fiddler” could be extremely detrimental to one’s reputation, if those who hear such accusations are:

  • Dumb
  • Hard of hearing
  • Smart (but still hears “fiddler” as being dirty)

So that covers most of the population in our country.

I guess this will give you something to think about before you decide to label the word fiddle on anyone that you like, or dislike.  The devastating results; might not make it not worth,  seriously saying.  This means that you call someone a fiddler, knowing full well that you did not call him or her a diddler, but you got people who are around to hear, to instantly association that person with fiddling AND diddling.

That is some sneaky back door entrance shit right there, which you would be using……..to royally fuck with someone.

You could always stand ground and say that you only said fiddle, and that is true…….plus the diddling damage has already been done.  WIN WIN situation……..at least in this scenario. It could go bad too I guess.

Do what you want with the word,  I don’t give a shit what you ultimately do this day fourth with the word “fiddle”…….just please remember to proceed with caution.

So………

My energy is being devoted to other things in life other than writing……except for today of course.  I came here to post a video, and just started to write……..and now I just…….keep writing.

This writing shit is very time consuming to make……..at least it is for me, the way I do it I guess.

It first takes an idea that I come up with…….

This usually comes from some sort of revelation I seem to come up with, while I am sometimes in discussion with a friend……..

Most times though, it comes from when I am in a discussion with myself.

There are no boundaries in my imagination. Therefore; I am able to imagine something all the way through, and have a good idea to see if there really is humor in some possibly deep shit I might be playing out.

No one judges if it is not funny…….gross, insensitive, or downright revolting.

So then the idea turns into  about an hour of typing shit out.

Reading it.

Editing it.

Re-reading it.

Re editing it.

Submitting it to my page.

Reading it on my page.

Noticing a mistake after it has gone on the page.

Re-re-editing it.

Submitting newest corrections to webpage.

Log onto Facebook.

Type out some stupid reason to post so my friends on my friend list will click on my link and read my latest piece……..

Then………

Maybe getting around 80 hits or so the day of a posting because of Facebook.

Maybe getting two comments on my blog.

About two hours of my time per posting, with very little reward………. sometimes bigger posts take multiple days.

AND then to slap me right in the face, donkey slap style…………I get 30- 40 hits a day because of people searching for males being naked. So my 80 hit day on my site is not from facebook.  It is from facebook plus internet searches for male porn.

The only reason I have ANY steady traffic on this site is because of people trying to look at naked dudes, and not because of the 10 or so hours a week that would need to be devoted to having this site functioning like it did before.

That is a lot of fucking time I don’t have the energy to devote towards.

I did get rewarded the other day though……making me feel like my time put into the site was recognized, and it was brought to my attention. I got to talking to a guy I have always hung out with because of a mutual friend. He mentioned this site without me bringing it up. I NEVER BRING UP THIS SITE IN CONVERSATION. I hate the idea of doing such a thing, although I am far from against talking in a conversation about something I have already blogged about. If I post it on my site, I feel I truly believe what I am writing about, AND I have backup evidence to prove my point.

Once someone brings up the site to me, I could talk all day about it if they wanted.  But I will NEVER start the conversation.  That doesn’t fit my style.

Anyways, he brought up my site to me in conversation, and expressed his appraisal of the thoroughness of my site, and all the different stuff that has been written about.

Thank you Ryan.

Some others have recently rewarded me as well with their words as well.

Laura, thank you for bringing it up at the bar!

Heather thank you as well……. you brought it up at a party, and you talked about liking my hippos doing coke story.  That was nice to hear, because I felt it was good, but I also knew it was a really ” far out there” story.

My thoroughness in my site is very low, I am the first to admit……..but it will return at a later date, unknown at this time…….

Any ways,

It is true……Soon we will live in a time with new episodes of Beavis and Butthead!

Enjoy the video as I have…..

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now……..