Archive for the ‘Which fictitious character would you fight?’ Category

PLEASE PUSH PLAY TO LISTEN, WHILE YOU READ FOR THE FULL DRAMATIC EFFECT….

If Johnny Lawrence went to high school with me, he most certainly would have been the king of douchebags (as he would regardless of where he went to school).  He would have been the supreme leader on the douchebag scale, outperforming any of the tools we encountered, and would have been the best at whatever douchebags do to earn such critical acclaim.

He would have been better at bullying the new kid, who is hitting on his former girlfriend.  He most certainly would have worn better matching Halloween costumes, along with his douchebag friends.  He would have done a great job of letting you know how poor your family was in comparison to his.  He would do a much better job of chasing someone while on his dirt bike,  which ultimately causes the person he is chasing to fall down a rather large grassy hill,  while at the same time causing his victim’s non-motor, most likely secondhand store purchased bmx to get trashed from the fall, nevermind trashing his victim’s self esteem enough for him to take it out on his mother, since it was her fault that he was living in this new town.

But Johnny, Miyagi did kick your ass, and in my blog today, I will as well.

In reality, if Johnny started shit with me when I was a teenager, it probably would have been an embarrassing scene for me, just as it was for Daniel-son.  And I was ALL ABOUT Elizebath Shue back in the day when I was growing up, so this would have been a double knock to my self esteem, upon her witnessing me being pummeled by Johnny on the beach.

But seeing as this situation of bullying is in the fantasy world of my blog,  I would have the mentality that I have today in my teenage body,  so I might have stood a fighting chance.  Seeing as bullies do not fight fair, nor would I when the situation presented itself to me.  “Go ahead, sweep my leg, and I probably will fall to the ground.  BUT Johnny, let me tell you something, the first opportunity I get to kick, knee, or punch you in the balls………….. you better fucking believe that I am gonna do it with all the force that I can exert towards your gonadal region.”

When Johnny falls to the ground, I would take three steps back and do a full speed approach to once again kick him in the balls as hard as I possibly could as he was laying on the ground still suffering in pain from the first kick, knee, or punch to the balls.  At this point after the shock wore off from the stunned crowd, I would think that I would get jumped by some of Johnny’s Cobra Kai henchmen.

Hopefully Tommy would come after me first, so I could put HIM in a fucking body bag, before he has the chance to say such similar things towards me.   More than likely I would get knocked to the ground by the unforeseen Tommy from behind, and he would land on top of me. This is because he was more of a bully’s buddy, who is not as tough as the bully, but probably cheesy as hell with sneak attacks.

Tommy probably invented the index finger sneak attack in thumb-wrestling.

While on top of me, I would bite Tommy wherever I could grasp on with my teeth with the full intention of tearing tissue to expose muscle, nerves, and bones.  For dramatic effect I would let the blood get all over my face.  Upon standing, I would scream in the direction of Bobby, Dutch, and Jimmy, asking them “Who the fuck wants their flesh to be torn next?”  Seeing as I would appear ready to fight to the death, they would run to their dirt bikes to escape bodily harm.


PLEASE PUSH PLAY YET AGAIN, WHILE YOU READ FOR THE FULL DRAMATIC EFFECT (I ESTIMATE THAT THE FIRST SONG HAS ENDED OR WILL END ANY SECOND….its ok if they overlap for a few seconds)

Elizabeth Shue would have then requested for my seed for childbirth.  I would have politely declined due to the fact that I had too many adventures and too many balls to kick in the coming years…. (I have a girlfriend, so I figured this was a very reasonable way to end my fantasy action adventure story……)

This is whatAndrewMichaelsisdoingnow, kicking the bully in the balls at least twice, tearing the flesh off one of the bully’s henchmen, and denying Elizabeth Shue my superior seed due to the vast amount of balls that still need to be kicked in the world we live in……..   “YOU are the best…..for reading my blog, thank you”