Archive for the ‘Beginning of the month confessions’ Category

So I was a real big piece of shit today, AND I was very productive…..go fucking figure.

First about my productivity, I did laundry ALL day.  Why did I do laundry all day? Because I honestly cannot remember the last time that I actually did my laundry…..so I guess I can say that it was overdue.

In Ghostbusters, Bill Murray spoke of the “multiple levels of cleanliness” in his clothing, which were laying all over his apartment.  This is a trait in which I have accepted into my own life.  I have no problem admitting to you, that if you ever see me in person, it’s probably not the first time that I have worn the shirt and/or the shorts that you see me wearing, without having had them washed.  I do at least keep my “whites” fresh and clean, and that is what I think matters most.

(For example)

My friend Ali came to visit a few months ago, and we went to another friends party on Friday night.  The next day we were going out for the day and she said to me:

“You are wearing the same outfit as last night…..”

I responded with:

“So what? It’s the weekend….. you will probably see me in the same outfit on Sunday as well”

Back to my laundry situation today…….

It just so happens that I was to the point with my laundry this week that all of my clothing that I enjoy to wear, were not clean (even by my “multiple levels of cleanliness system”  in which I enforce on a daily basis.)

So I did laundry all day today.  At least 7 loads of clothing, towels, and some sheets for good measure.  I even took my shirt off that I was wearing at 9 o’clock in the morning and threw that in the wash as well.

  • It is now 11:26 P.M. (14 and a half hours later), and I have yet to put a shirt back on (I would put money on me not putting one on until tomorrow).
  • I feel slightly greasy in the hair department because I did not shower today.
  • I feel slightly grubby due the fact that I have not shaved in the last 4 days or so.
  • I feel slightly disgusting because I just ate a bowl of Chedder cheese chex mix and I washed it down with a can of diet ginger ale.
  • I feel slightly scrubby because I just burped from all the ginger ale, and it was a warm burp which consisted of a digested cheddar cheese chex mix taste.

I became self aware of my extreme level of shit at exactly 11:26 P.M., while I was looking at some online sites and forums, which I have been looking at ALL DAY LONG, as I burped, while I felt grubby since I did not shave in four days, while I felt greasey since I did not shower today, all while I did not have my shirt on, which I have not worn all day…..and all night.

You know what is the most pathetic part about this is?  I planned this……..

Last night my girlfriend asked me if I thought I could clean up the laundry room and do some of my laundry(which was long over due, even by my standards).  I instantly said to her “Yes, I will make it my goal to do laundry all day tomorrow and get that room cleaned up.”  I had ulterior motives as well, since doing laundry is a waiting game of productivity, and the closer in proximity to the laundry that you are, the more productive you can be.  Move too far from the laundry, and you forget occasionally that there are clothes in the dryer which need to be hung up or folded, so you can take the load out of the washer and throw that in the dryer, in order to put a new load in the washer.  This cycle needed to be done multiple times today in order for me to feel that I succeed in my goal that I set out to achieve today.

It just so happens that my computer is located right next to the laundry room in the basement.  I knew that it was 100 percent possible for me to be able to be very productive with the laundry today, AND be a rediculous piece of shit.  I could sit on the computer, in the basement, with my shirt off, ALL DAY LONG.  I got to play my StarCraft 2 game a few times, and then in between sessions of playing my game, I would continue the cycle of my laundry loads, and then I would go back to the computer to go onto sites that I like to read and post my opinions on.

Yup, I am one of those people who doesn’t just read shit on the internet (as you can tell with my blog).  I also enjoy posting my thoughts in forums that interest me.  I am an internet NERD.

I gladly took the goal of cleaning my clothes and cleaning the laundry room, because I realized that I could be 100 percent productive today with my goals, AND be a ridiculous 100 percent piece of shit AT THE SAME TIME.

As I am about to post this blog I look back upon my day of productivity and laziness, and I definitely agree that this is the most productive that I have been in the past two or three weeks, BUT it also is the laziest I have been in the past two or three weeks.  Days like this do not happen often, they are VERY rare.

In fact, if I try to do this every Saturday, I will have no more laundry to do since it will only be one load of dirty laundry, and whatever I do choose to do in order to be productive, will take more attention in order to achieve this new goal, as opposed to mindlessly doing the laundry all day.  This leaves little room for me to be a piece of shit, since I will be away from the computer, and I will also be in the middle of doing something that I probably do not enjoy doing, so this in return means that I will not do it all day, like I did with the laundry.

This means that I will be more likely to be productive when I am also allowed to be a piece of shit at the same time, as opposed to not being able to be a piece of shit because I need to be productive and it requires my full attention.  This is why I am not as productive as I should be, it’s the constant dueling forces of productivity, and my willingness (or lack there of), to give it my attention.

It’s a funny world that I have created around myself, and when I think about it more and more, I believe it is right where I am supposed to be.  I am just now after 30 years, starting to decipher: the whats, wheres, and whys of everything that makes me who I am today.  I don’t do my laundry on a regular basis because I am lazy, and I will not consider doing my laundry, until I can be lazy all day while I choose to do it all at once.

If someone can give me an example of them being either:

A.     More productive than I was today, all while being an equal piece of shit that I was

or

B.     Just as productive as I was today, all while being an even more of a piece of shit than I was

THEN I AM ALL EARS…..state your case, let it be heard with a comment.

I like it when people comment on this blog, it makes me feel good, even if you make something up, it will still make me feel warm and fuzzy, and as if people actually read this site.

This is What Andrew Michaels is doing now……

Advertisements