Beginning of the month confessions PART 1: I was a real big piece of shit today….

Posted: August 12, 2010 in Beginning of the month confessions
Tags: ,

So I was a real big piece of shit today, AND I was very productive…..go fucking figure.

First about my productivity, I did laundry ALL day.  Why did I do laundry all day? Because I honestly cannot remember the last time that I actually did my laundry… I guess I can say that it was overdue.

In Ghostbusters, Bill Murray spoke of the “multiple levels of cleanliness” in his clothing, which were laying all over his apartment.  This is a trait in which I have accepted into my own life.  I have no problem admitting to you, that if you ever see me in person, it’s probably not the first time that I have worn the shirt and/or the shorts that you see me wearing, without having had them washed.  I do at least keep my “whites” fresh and clean, and that is what I think matters most.

(For example)

My friend Ali came to visit a few months ago, and we went to another friends party on Friday night.  The next day we were going out for the day and she said to me:

“You are wearing the same outfit as last night…..”

I responded with:

“So what? It’s the weekend….. you will probably see me in the same outfit on Sunday as well”

Back to my laundry situation today…….

It just so happens that I was to the point with my laundry this week that all of my clothing that I enjoy to wear, were not clean (even by my “multiple levels of cleanliness system”  in which I enforce on a daily basis.)

So I did laundry all day today.  At least 7 loads of clothing, towels, and some sheets for good measure.  I even took my shirt off that I was wearing at 9 o’clock in the morning and threw that in the wash as well.

  • It is now 11:26 P.M. (14 and a half hours later), and I have yet to put a shirt back on (I would put money on me not putting one on until tomorrow).
  • I feel slightly greasy in the hair department because I did not shower today.
  • I feel slightly grubby due the fact that I have not shaved in the last 4 days or so.
  • I feel slightly disgusting because I just ate a bowl of Chedder cheese chex mix and I washed it down with a can of diet ginger ale.
  • I feel slightly scrubby because I just burped from all the ginger ale, and it was a warm burp which consisted of a digested cheddar cheese chex mix taste.

I became self aware of my extreme level of shit at exactly 11:26 P.M., while I was looking at some online sites and forums, which I have been looking at ALL DAY LONG, as I burped, while I felt grubby since I did not shave in four days, while I felt greasey since I did not shower today, all while I did not have my shirt on, which I have not worn all day…..and all night.

You know what is the most pathetic part about this is?  I planned this……..

Last night my girlfriend asked me if I thought I could clean up the laundry room and do some of my laundry(which was long over due, even by my standards).  I instantly said to her “Yes, I will make it my goal to do laundry all day tomorrow and get that room cleaned up.”  I had ulterior motives as well, since doing laundry is a waiting game of productivity, and the closer in proximity to the laundry that you are, the more productive you can be.  Move too far from the laundry, and you forget occasionally that there are clothes in the dryer which need to be hung up or folded, so you can take the load out of the washer and throw that in the dryer, in order to put a new load in the washer.  This cycle needed to be done multiple times today in order for me to feel that I succeed in my goal that I set out to achieve today.

It just so happens that my computer is located right next to the laundry room in the basement.  I knew that it was 100 percent possible for me to be able to be very productive with the laundry today, AND be a rediculous piece of shit.  I could sit on the computer, in the basement, with my shirt off, ALL DAY LONG.  I got to play my StarCraft 2 game a few times, and then in between sessions of playing my game, I would continue the cycle of my laundry loads, and then I would go back to the computer to go onto sites that I like to read and post my opinions on.

Yup, I am one of those people who doesn’t just read shit on the internet (as you can tell with my blog).  I also enjoy posting my thoughts in forums that interest me.  I am an internet NERD.

I gladly took the goal of cleaning my clothes and cleaning the laundry room, because I realized that I could be 100 percent productive today with my goals, AND be a ridiculous 100 percent piece of shit AT THE SAME TIME.

As I am about to post this blog I look back upon my day of productivity and laziness, and I definitely agree that this is the most productive that I have been in the past two or three weeks, BUT it also is the laziest I have been in the past two or three weeks.  Days like this do not happen often, they are VERY rare.

In fact, if I try to do this every Saturday, I will have no more laundry to do since it will only be one load of dirty laundry, and whatever I do choose to do in order to be productive, will take more attention in order to achieve this new goal, as opposed to mindlessly doing the laundry all day.  This leaves little room for me to be a piece of shit, since I will be away from the computer, and I will also be in the middle of doing something that I probably do not enjoy doing, so this in return means that I will not do it all day, like I did with the laundry.

This means that I will be more likely to be productive when I am also allowed to be a piece of shit at the same time, as opposed to not being able to be a piece of shit because I need to be productive and it requires my full attention.  This is why I am not as productive as I should be, it’s the constant dueling forces of productivity, and my willingness (or lack there of), to give it my attention.

It’s a funny world that I have created around myself, and when I think about it more and more, I believe it is right where I am supposed to be.  I am just now after 30 years, starting to decipher: the whats, wheres, and whys of everything that makes me who I am today.  I don’t do my laundry on a regular basis because I am lazy, and I will not consider doing my laundry, until I can be lazy all day while I choose to do it all at once.

If someone can give me an example of them being either:

A.     More productive than I was today, all while being an equal piece of shit that I was


B.     Just as productive as I was today, all while being an even more of a piece of shit than I was

THEN I AM ALL EARS…..state your case, let it be heard with a comment.

I like it when people comment on this blog, it makes me feel good, even if you make something up, it will still make me feel warm and fuzzy, and as if people actually read this site.

This is What Andrew Michaels is doing now……

  1. jencarlone says:

    I am A.)I am equally lazy – dude, it’s summer! (And isn’t that why we’re teachers?!)

    Also, in the interest of making you feel “warm and fuzzy”:
    -I also read too much of the internet
    -I only comment on your site and Joanna’s!
    -It’s “allowed” not “aloud” toward the end (18th paragraph or so…) Jeez, I guess I lazy, yet I am a grammar Nazi
    -Your blog makes me laugh, so keep being lazy and write about it!

    • Jen first off thank you so much for the comment, I love days when I get one, I truly appreciate it!

      And second you are correct with my spelling error so I will change it, BUT you wrote:

      “Jeez, I guess I lazy, yet I am a grammar Nazi”

      Sorry grammar Nazi, it’s “I guess I’m lazy”

      Thanks again!!!

  2. Chicken says:

    I just wanted to say that there is no way I could ever live like that. Ask nugget. Every day off I have is spent doing something productive, such as laundry, cleaning the house, food shopping, whatever errands need to be done, etc. Nugget on the other hand would appreciate your lifestyle a little more than myself. If he does not have a list of things to do, he will simply do nothing. Even if he should be doing 40 things. And you would think after the 200th time of me coming home after working a Monday lunch to see the recylcle on the street and giving him the SAME FACE of dissapointment, he might actually get it on his own accord…. I live in a dream world apparently, where shit gets done WITHOUT me acting like the biggest nagging bitch ever.

    The short of it is, don’t be lazy. Do your shit without having to be asked and you will avoid the face of a dissapointed other half.

  3. Ann M says:

    When you guys were young, Dad would take the three of you to the Boys’ and Girls’ Club for basketball every Saturday morning. My goal was to get the laundry done. Now, remember that with five of us in the house and me doing laundry once a week, it meant 35 pair of pants, shirts, underpants and in those days, you all wore undershirts, so add in 30 of those, 70 socks, (which never got matched up leading to us having a “sock basket”) numerous sports uniforms, including Dad’s work uniforms, at least 10 towels and most often 4 sets of sheets. I would stay in my jammies all day long while I ran up and down those basement stairs, switching loads and bringing all the clothes upstairs to the couch to fold while I watched those home improvement and cooking shows that were on channel 2 all day long. I actually got to enjoy those Saturdays because I could be very productive and get a huge job done, all the while, being an absolute sloth, laying around (Jen- would that be lying around?) on the couch all day long. So, maybe you inheirited it from me. At least you got my best (productivity and the ability to do ANYTHING) along with my worst (procrastination and laziness) It is your destiny. 3. A.S.

    • Ann M says:

      Jeez—I signed that A.S.——in addition to procrastination and laziness, I also have some significant memory issues.

      Make that A.M.

    • It’s funny…. I definitely would consider myself far from the productive person I could and very well should be. I have bouts of productivity; but only in between longer stretches of time being incredibly lazy. This will change, I am optimistic.

      I am now contemplating whether or not I should reread this blog post I wrote a few years ago (in which I now know you have indeed read).

      I could have said some bad things for a mother to hear, I don’t really remember too much about what I wrote that day….


      I am being incredibly lazy at the moment so I am not going to bother. I am sure you have heard worse at some point coming directly from my mouth anyways……

      Thanks for doing all that laundry, and all the other things you did too….

      Love you.

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