Dear Rite Aid:

Posted: December 2, 2010 in ALL ABOUT ME

Right from the start I knew I was in for trouble……….

I was in the process of taking the lid off, and I noticed that it was sticking harder than normal.  This could only mean one thing………………Freezer burn.

It’s been quite some time since the last time that I have enjoyed me some Phish Food.  I must say that after last night’s act of gluttony, I am left so unsatisfied.  Throughout my life, phish food has been there for me in my times of me feeling like shit, and the desire to temporarily feel better due to the wonderful combination of ingredients, to then once again feeling like shit, since I easily consume the entire pint and all 1800 calories that make up the ingredients that I so desire.

My ritual is always the same.  First I pull of the lid with ease, and I use my spoon to scrap off the first bite from the bottom of the lid, where creamy goodness awaits me as it has stuck to the lid.  Rite Aid, you fucked with my ritual right from the start.  The lid did not come off easily and there was no ice cream on the lid at all.  Instead, all the ice cream remained together in the cup since it was crystallized and freezer burnt.  I powered through the freezer burnt top layer in hopes to find the center more creamy and familiar to the reason why I bought it in the first place.  Although better, it definitely was not worth me going out in my pajamas to buy at 8 o’clock at night.  Yeah I put my pajamas on early when I don’t have shit going on, who the fuck doesn’t?  By the time I realized that my experience was not going to be what I hoped for, I choose to continue eating this sub-par version of an otherwise Ben and Jerry’s classic with rage.  I chewed hard and breathed hard through my nose in distress.  I told my girlfriend how much it sucked…….as I continued to eat it.

In the end I didn’t finish my pint, AND I ALWAYS FINISH MY FUCKING PINT.  Anyone who puts half of their pint away for seconds is an asshole.  Maybe I am just jealous of people who can save half for later, since I have no control of my appetite.  Or maybe I just think these people are assholes since it is disrespectful to not finish what you start eating.  Either way Rite Aid, I like these assholes who choose to save half of their Ben and Jerry’s pint, much more than I like you right now.

From now on in times of glutinous behavior, it will be the supermarket that gets my business, since they obviously know how to climate control their freezers.  I never thought that I could have a bad experience during my annihilation of a pint of Ben And Jerry’s Phish Food.  You ruined my fucking night Rite Aid.

Fuck you,


This is What Andrew Michaels is Doing Now…..

  1. joe says:

    it’s pure heresy that Rite Aid would so ignorantly steal the happiness from a pint of Ben and Jerry. A pox on Rite Aid! I myself had a similar experience with a pint of Chubby Hubby, someone should do something!

    • Joe, this radio broadcast is specifically sent out for you, I hope this message reaches you.

      If you are listening, I want you to know that there are others out there besides you and I. Others……..who are just as angry.

      Having hope is the most important aspect in survival, and in regards to not getting the shaft on a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

      The resistance is growing stronger each and everyday, as is our knowledge regarding where a pint of Ben and Jerry’s should and should not be purchased from.

      This is Andrew Michaels…… well, stay alive, stay the course, and don’t buy any ice cream products at all from Rite Aid ever again….

      (Radio silence………)

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