The urination obligation

Posted: November 7, 2010 in Something worth sharing with you

I guess you could say that we are all superhuman on some level, but it just so happens that most of the superhuman powers we have will not help save the day for someone who is in need of superhuman assistance.  My friend Rowan is a superhuman.  I have talked about Rowan before on this blog.  I mentioned a long time ago on here that he wears a pony tail better than Steven Seagal.

Here is a pretty pimp picture of Steven Seagal wearing a do-rag with Puff Daddy.  Actually now that I look at it, I think thats P-DIDDY.

Regardless of how pimp Steven Seagal looks in this picture wearing a do-rag alongside who might actually be Lil Wayne, Rowan’s ponytail wearing ability is considered to me as being superhuman. However, this ponytail wearing superhuman power that he has is not his true superhuman power.  Rowan’s real superhuman power is in his ability to urinate longer than anyone else I have ever known in my entire life.

Throughout the many years of drinking with Rowan whether it was in high school, college, or life since college; I have inadvertently been in the presence of Rowan on many occasions while he was taking a ridiculously long piss.

Last year before I started this blog, I just wrote many different entertaining things down in a black book that my girlfriend bought me.  I had negotiated a deal with Rowan in regards to his extraordinary urinating ability on October 22nd 2009.  I wrote down all the details of the deal in the black book.  This is exactly what I wrote:

“I want to take Rowan out to a bar for as many drinks that he wants all on me, as long as he doesn’t take a piss.  He would take advantage of this situation.  I would then get to record how long his piss is.  He is the longest pisser that I know of as it is.  The piss that he takes after taking advantage of free drinks will be groundbreaking.

He wants to do it, there will be rules.

He can puke and still get drinks, but not if he takes a piss.

Rowan is giving me attitude, he wants 2 years of time to decide when he is ready for this night of debauchery.

I negotiate and offer him 3 months time.

It’s off, he doesn’t want to do it.

It’s back on, we renegotiated to 11 months and 2 weeks.  We are both happy with this time frame.

So John has until October 6th 2010.

When will he do it?

I don’t know

To be continued……..

October 22nd 2009.”

So last night Rowan came over my house for the fire I was having.  After talking for a while I remember about the obligation he has towards me.  I run inside, grab my black book and read him the entry that I wrote down last year.  I tell him that he has not fulfilled his part of the agreement.  I was not interested in going to a bar last night, but John wanted fulfill his agreement as best he could.

John drank a lot of beers at my house, and then proceeded to drink as much water that he could possible get down.  He then took my cell phone into the bathroom and recorded his urination on audio.  I want to share that file with you right now.  Please make sure you listen to the whole thing, there may be a few seconds when you think that it is done, but there is more.  And just in case you are wondering, this is not fake…..

Click to listen:

Thank you Rowan, I bet that Steven Seagal and Ja Rule couldn’t urinate longer than you, even if they combined there times together and both wore do-rags.

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now……….

  1. jen says:

    Cannot believe I missed this – hilarious. Seriously, I have always said he is the world’s longest pee-er. Someone needs to contact the Guiness Book of World Records.

    • Yeah, it was one of those hazy nights towards the end, so when I woke up feeling not too top notch, i was laying there and then thought “Oh fuck, I have a recording of Rowan taking a leak”……it made me feel better.

  2. Bildo says:

    That was an excessively long pee…funny, I remember you guys taking about this like a year and a half ago…it has manifested into reality. His bladder must be the size of a balloon….too bad you guys didn’t get a volume measurement on that….It would be interesting to know the mL/sec rate.

  3. jen says:

    I also think that’s Jah Rule next to Steven Segal (not sure how to spell Jah Rule…)

  4. Ann M says:

    I remember in the movie, “A League of Their Own,” that Tom Hanks relieved himself for (what I thought was) the longest time while talking to Rosie O’Donnell’s character. But, John, you’ve got it ALL over Steven Segal AND Tom Hanks. BTW, Bildo, if had been that extreme of a volume, the toilet would have flushed itself!

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