My main gripe with the Predators…..

Posted: July 11, 2010 in Things that get me thinking
Tags: , , ,

I grew up loving Predator, mostly because I grew up loving Arnold movies.  Most of the R rated movies, which my mother reluctantly allowed me to watch, were Arnold movies.

When watching Conan the Barbarian, there was this scene I remember very well.

The scene is when Conan is resting in his cage, during his years of being forced to train.  He was given this naked woman, which he was allowed to have his way with……..

What was Conan’s way, do you dare ask?

  • Was he a passionate lover with a soft, gentle touch?
  • Or was he a raging barbarian madman, when he instinctively grabbed a hold her, and dry humped his way towards eventual intercourse?

We were never shown a clear answer, because once it is shown that he has this female companion, the scene changes, and it is left up to the viewer’s imagination.

Regardless…..I tend to believe, that its safe to assume that Conan the barbarian let everyone in the general vicinity of him, know of his barbaric ways……

Whenever this scene would happen when I was a child, I would say:

“This is great!!!!”

“Mom….Look!!!!!”

“He is going to get to wrestle that pretty girl!!!!!!”

“He is so lucky!!!”

I think my mom found humor in my naive, innocent outlook on situations in movies like this, which were intended to give you the idea:

That the people in the general vicinity of Conan’s cage, would soon indeed be hearing Conan’s over the top sex roar, which he most likely expressed upon orgasm.

Moving on.

I was suppossed to be talking about my main grip with the predators…….I need to move in the general direction of this objective.

I guess my main gripe with the predators, is that they don’t look like they are an extremely smart species.

Yes they look scary as shit

Yes they look much stronger and more agile than us

Yes we are definitely PREY, in association towards them

BUT NO GOD DAMMIT, they do not look like the type of species that is capable of understanding the concept of the Pythagorean theorem.

Take a look at this guy:

Does that fucking thing look like it understands the concept of E=MC2?   I don’t think that I could even realistically explain to you what Einstein was talking about with E=MC2, without some extreme bull-shitting coming from my blabbering mouth……  BUT, you are supposed to believe that this thing can…….. Because this species is excellent at interstellar travel.  Which means that they are much more advanced in science then we are.

That thing would be too busy at kicking ass in its own wild habitat, and enjoying awesome fresh food, that it would never want to slow down, to think about science related shit.  They are like great white sharks, that are on land, and have arms and legs instead of fins, and chase humans around effortlessly……….basically we would be fucked.

The great whites of the ocean are quite bad-ass in their water habitat, in terms of being a predator, but I do not see their brains ever reaching the level to be capable of understanding the concepts of gravity.

Besides, leaning about science is much more productive on land, as opposed to sea.  Lighting a Bunsen burner in 7th grade science class for a great white shark is a very difficult task.  This is why the dropout rate for great whites in school is so high.   Most great white students are quoted as saying:

“Fuck it, I can’t light this fucking Bunsen burner thing underwater…… I am just going to do a shark dive straight out of the water, and catch a seal in the process, before I land back in the ocean.  And I can do that for the rest of my life, WITHOUT passing science class……”

The great white dropouts do have a good point…….And when the dropouts come home, to tell their parents that they have indeed dropped out, the parents think back to when they dropped out as well when they were younger, so the great white parents do not have much to go on, in regards to trying to change their child’s decision.

The Predators would have this same mentality, they would give up on learning science, since it is such a waste of time, when they could be better spending their time, doing equally bad-ass things as diving out of the ocean, in order to catch and eat their prey.

I do think that is is safe to say though, that the closest noise that I can find, to what I think Conan’s Sex roar sounds like, is coincidentally the Predator’s roar.

PUSH PLAY

This is What Andrew Michaels is doing now……..

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