“Mean Mr. Michaels”

Posted: July 7, 2010 in ALL ABOUT ME

I have come to take an interest in other people’s business.  For example, I was outside in my backyard, and I heard a car park across the street from my house.  I could hear the doors of the car opening and being slammed shut, and I could also hear talking.  I then took the liberty to spy over my fence to see what these people were doing in such close proximity to my property.  It ended up just being my neighbors kids, parking their car and entering their home.  BUT had it actually been some schmucks that were up to no good, I would have had first hand knowledge towards the juvenile delinquent activity which was about to occur.  I caught myself in this overcautious spy mode, in the suburban neighborhood in which I live as I was looking over the fence.  I questioned why I even cared to look.

I envisioned who I was destined to become, if I continue with this unnecessary interest in neighboring people’s everyday business.

I flashed forward to 40 years into the future.  I am still living in the same house, looking out the window.  I am looking at the damn kids that are causing ruckus, outside of my property…….. and I don’t like it one bit.

Very rarely will I go outside, and vocally express my distaste towards these little fuckers who have NO RESPECT for their elders, or their elder’s property.  Most of the time, I just look out at them and say nothing.  I know that this is they way I would act towards them, because it is exactly how I act today.  I bite my fucking lip half the time I have something that I could say when I am displeased.  The other half of the time, I do not come up with the right thing to say until I have been very far removed from the conversation, in which I wish I could go back in time to re-converse.

In actuality, I know today (in the present), that these kids who bother the shit out of me (40 years from now),  are pretty normal kids.  They are just a product of their time, which I, as a 70 year old man, have no way of relating to.  So fuck them, I obviously don’t understand them, so it’s only due to common sense that I don’t like them.

The kids that I despise so much would look upon my house, and see “Mean Mr. Michaels” looking right back at them, with a VERY effective death stare.  They would have learned over many years of growing up as my neighbor, to NOT to fuck with anything in regards to my property.

  • DO NOT park your vehicles on my grass.
  • DO NOT litter any of your shit on my property
  • DO NOT ask me if I want to receive the newspaper from you, its over priced, and I don’t read it.
  • DO NOT  fuck with my well being in any way, so just stay the fuck away from me.  There is little that we could actually talk about anyways……

I expressed my concerns towards a friend, regarding this vision towards the future and my existence as becoming “Mean Mr. Michaels”.  I decided right then and there, that now was a time to change in order to prevent such a possible and probable future from happening.

So I decided that I am going to stop giving a shit about what is going on outside my property.  Until I randomly catch some kid fucking with my shit, I am just going to let it all go.   I am very good at this anyways.  I let shit go on a regular basis, and I believe I have become very good at it over the years.

I will not become “Mean Mr. Michaels”.   I will be cool as shit, to all who look upon me.  Timeless and cool as shit, even in his 70’s.  The kids will want to hear what I have to say, because it will not just be the ramblings of an old man.  I will have good things to talk about, and if I don’t, I will just give them candy, and maybe show them some cool card tricks.  It’s pretty easy to entertain kids, so they will all like me.  Just don’t fuck with my lawn……

This is what Andrew Michaels is Doing Now………..


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