RQATASWIIOATQEITSHTCOUTTQWRANNBA……an acronym of epic proportions.

Posted: May 6, 2010 in Uncategorized

So I just asked a bee a question, and I figured that such events usually do not take place in life, so I felt I could write about my experiences to share with you all.

Usually when people speak towards a bee it is with either aggression or fear.  Children usually exhibit fear, and hastily start to flip out while saying something like “Get it away, get it away!”, and they are usually crying or being over dramatic in the process. Children can’t help it for being stupid, they are too young to understand, that the way that they are acting, is more likely to get them stung by the bee.

Adults usually exhibit aggression or anger towards a bee if they so choose to speak towards the bee.  “GET THE FUCK away from me” is a usual statement that an adult might say towards a bee.  Adults can’t help being stupid either, because we all waste our energy speaking to a species like a bee, hoping that the bee will miraculously get the fuck away from us due to what we say to it.

Usually I am quite passive towards bees (or anything in life for that matter), but this fucking bee today was pissing me off so much that I instinctively asked it a question, albeit a rhetorical question.  I am sure that such phenomenon does not occur on a regular basis, so I feel that I am able to coin a term for such a situation.

“Rhetorical questions asked towards a species, which is incapable of answering the question, even if they somehow had the capability of understanding that the question was rhetorical, and need not be answered.”


My passive approach towards bees has suited me well for the past 15 to 20 years.  Don’t get me wrong, I have had to put some shit behind me, and I have had to just let go of the anger and frustration that bees have induced in my life, for this passive nature to occur towards one of my childhood enemies.

I would say that on almost every single occasion that I have been stung by a bee in my life, it has been unwarranted. I was never the idiot who asked for a sting by playing with a bee’s nest, (I was, and I am an idiot for many things, but this is not one of them).  Most stinging occasions occurred during calm moments in childhood life.

Even though these suicidal attacks on me have only brought me pain and frustration during childhood, I have managed to make peace with bees for the most part.  In everyday life, I usually let a bee fly around me, and allow it to do whatever the fuck bees do when they are in close proximity me……………within reason.  I feel that if I let it do whatever the fuck it wants to do, it will leave eventually, without inflicting violence (with deadly consequences for the bee), towards me.  This bee today really put my passive nature I have towards its species to the test.

It was buzzing in close proximity of my face, for FAR too great a period of time, while I was outside tending to my front yard.  At one point during this close encounter, it was WAY too close to my mouth as well, for an extended period of time.

Naturally I had enough and shouted, “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?   GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE, ASSHOLE!!!”

Not only did I ask the bee a question, albeit a rhetorical one, but I also called it a term which I usually reserve for human beings.

On a side note, rhetorical questions are a joy to me.  There is a great pleasure that I experience when I come up with a perfect rhetorical question, as a response towards someone else’s non-rhetorical question, which is asked towards me.

It’s a great “Fuck You, I am smarter than you” response, that I only occasionally come up with on the spot.  I should put about 5 kick ass rhetorical questions in my back pocket, to be pulled out of thin air, on occasions where I feel it seems fit for me to have a “Fuck you, I am smarter than you” response towards a non-rhetorical question, which is asked towards me.

I once described myself jokingly as a type of person, who is not listening to what you say to me 50 percent of the time, and the other 50 percent of the time I am just anxiously waiting for my turn to talk.  If I ever ask you a rhetorical question in person, it probably means that I was not listening to a single word that you said UNTIL I saw an opportunity which I felt could be a time for me to use one of my 5 predetermined rhetorical questions, which I have stored in my back pocket.

Look out world, here I come……..twiddling my thumbs in my head, as I pretend like I am listening to you, all while I am just waiting to exploit an opportunity to use a predetermined rhetorical question on your ass.  I can only hope that it leaves you speechless…….this is my goal, not a big one in my life, but a goal in my life nonetheless.

This is What Andrew Michaels is doing Now………


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