Overriding the male dominance rules……

Posted: March 22, 2010 in Short Stories......by Andrew Michaels, The thing I saw on television which I felt needed to be shared....

If you are not watching the new series “Life”, you should do yourself a favor and start to.  This is for all intensive puposes a sequel to the wonderful epic series “Planet Earth”.

There was this male hippo that wanted to enter a lake that was filled with a bunch of other hippos.  This lake was a male hippo’s dream seeing as it was absolutely filled to the brim with female hippos, and no males in sight, and get this…….ALL THE FEMALE HIPPOS WERE 100 PERCENT NAKED.

Unfortunatley for the male hippo, the lake was owned by ONE dominant male hippo, and all the females were for his taking, seeing as he was fucking huge, and it only seems fair that the biggest strongest male hippo should be able to bang all the good looking naked female hippos.

The smaller male entered the lake with hopes to get laid, and was immediately entered into a male dominance battle which he quickly lost, and was forced to leave the lake until mating season next year.   Another year of not getting laid for the less dominant male hippo…………..sigh.  It then showed the hippo walking away from the lake filled with all the hot naked female hippos.

The walk of fucking shame

I felt a depression for this less dominant male hippo……. as I watched it walking away from all the ladies. It probably was feeling depressed, inadequate, and desolate as it went into another year of solitude, and lack of sex.

I thought to myself a series of four thoughts in this exact order:

  • “I wish I was there for him in his time of severe sadness,  I would tell him that everything is going to be alright”………..
  • “I wish that I also had a shit load of money”……………..
  • “I wish that I also had shit load of coke, on top of having a shit load of money”……………….

and finally that

  • “I would get this less dominant male hippo laid ALL THE FUCKING TIME……. no problem……… even if he lost every god damn male dominance battle for the rest of his life, because who the fuck really gives a shit about your attractiveness or size, if you have endless supplies of money and coke?”

The naked lady hippos would flock to him and his envious lifestyle of excess in his own lake of luxury…….I would show him the life he always dreamed of living……..

But one day, the money would run out and then the last bump of coke would be snorted.  When this happens the women will leave him for the more desirable lay………the one that makes sense, since there is an actual attraction, and not just a lowered set of standards from the females, which they put up with because of the less dominant male hippo’s possessions………

So to battle this and prevent such an awful thing from happening to my less dominant male hippo, we would need to make sure to get a good financial adviser, so that this hippo’s portfolio stays strong enough, and his coke supply stays high enough, for the female hippos to continue to disregard how undesirable he is…….

But I like the little guy regardless of not being the most desirable male hippo……………. The money, coke, and ladies never went to his head, and he never became a douchebag because of it.  He knew where he came from in his humble beginnings, and allowed other less dominant male hippo friends to enter the lake and live the good life with him as well, because there was an endless supply of money with our good financial adviser, which meant that there was also an endless supply of  coke, and the naked female hippos were not going anywhere if the supply in both was high.

Being a fairly smart hippo, he knew that he had to keep everyone happy in order to continue living this lifestyle, so he hired all of the DOMINANT male hippos to work as bouncers to sit at the edge of the lake.  Their primary objective was to keep douchebags who constantly display their male dominance, like themselves……. out of the party.  Seeing as all the dominant males were hired, they didn’t have to work too hard, since there was no one else to keep out.

The dominant male hippos became happy with their easy job, constant eye candy, and the good tips from the less dominant male hippos who have the money.   Now that they are making a decent living, they have the ability to occasionally get laid as well, since not all females are into money and coke, but are at least looking for a male with some degree of having his shit semi-together. A male hippo having  a place of his own, a job, a ride, and some sense of a future, can all be desirable to the occasional female hippo.  But the bouncers might have to settle for some of the less than hot female hippos.

Primarily, the female hippos that ARE NOT into the coke and money………….. also do not like sitting beside the lake naked and bathing in the sun, like the female hippos that ARE into the coke and money.

This is because the female hippos that ARE NOT into the coke and money, ARE INTO eating food all the time, and are “Average sized” from this instinctive hunger that is seemingly insatiable to them…………….. so its obvious that these female hippos have some body issues that they are dealing with, when they look upon, and are constantly being compared to the skinny female hippos that are blowing a ridiculous amount of lines for lunch and dinner, all while keeping that slim figure with seemingly no effort at all……..

This is What Andrew Michaels is Doing Now…………..If you ever want to really fuck with nature, all you have to do is introduce money and coke into the equation.

  1. Kate Sparks says:

    Andy- What the fuck? At first I was trying to convince myself that you were innocently ranting about Coca Cola. But no, you’re not. That was weird.

  2. Billdo says:

    Do Hippos do coke? If so how would they cut lines with those huge as feet? A rebuttal may be “they don’t need to do lines, they can just go scarface style and stick their hippo-heads in the shit and inhale”….however properly cut lines serve as proper portion control leading to safety from overdosing….you would have dead hippos everywhere and that oh so cool Hippo water hole filled with hot hippo bitches would quickly turn to death and stink. I don’t care how much coke and cash the male hippo had left, he would not be attracting any females to his crib of rot and decay…well not any quality ones anyway. I suppose you could cut lines for him—you know since you have already done so much for the fella’—but that would be a lot of lines, and boring tedious work. You would have become the hippo’s bitch…

    • Well Billdo, First off we would hire someone for the proper rationing of the coke, and then we would also hire some one else for the decaying body removal if the situation calls for it. Nothing can get into the way of the hippo’s living the “life”, as long as the hippo’s portfolio stays strong, which is why we have the good financial adviser……..its a fool proof plan. I added to your Boondock review…..check it out.

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