because I was too focused on seeing boobies…..

Posted: March 13, 2010 in MEETING FAMOUS PEOPLE
Tags: , , ,

Sometimes a movie comes out at the wrong time for you to truly embrace it.  I was looking around on the internet the other day, and I saw a recently taken picture of Sharon Stone.  I must say that although it is apparent that she is aging, she still looks pretty damn good. (as seen below)

I thought about about what I would say to her if I had the opportunity to bump into her.  The easy route would be to talk about “Casino” with her.  She was pretty awesome in that movie and deserves recognition on a regular basis.  But I think it would be a better conversation if I were to talk to her about the untimely release of “Basic Instinct” which ruined the actual movie experience for myself.

I believe the first time I saw “Basic Instinct” was in the 8th grade, when I somehow got a hold of the VHS version of it.  I was kind of awesome in 8th grade (in terms of my bedroom setup).  I had saved up my money for a year or so, and I bought at 19 inch TV, AND my own VCR which I had in my bedroom.  Now I know this sounds pretty common today, but try seeing how common it was in 1993 for a 12 year old.  I was the only person I knew at that age, who had such a private movie viewing experience/opportunity in my own bedroom.  This meant I could watch shit that, we probably were not supposed to be watching at that age (by our parents standards anyways), and we also had a much better shot at not getting caught in the process of watching something which was deemed inappropriate by our parents.

I remember I had a sleep over one night with three of my best childhood friends:   J.K. Jeremy Kenney Cool Cat Kid, Dave, and Vin  (For some reason myself, Vin, or Dave never had any cool nickname worth mentioning like Jeremy had and still occasionally has today, with references to the past).  We walked down the street to go to the video store where the owners were definitely the type to not care if they rented non-pornographic, but nonetheless very fucked up movies, to 12 and 13 year olds.  There was only one movie that we wanted to rent from that whole store more than anything else.  It was called “Make Them Die Slowly…”, and our wish came true for this very sleepover.  We rented it Thursday afternoon, and went to school on Friday, knowing that Friday night, we would all get to watch it.  It was a pretty exciting day at school and full of anticipation.

Little did we know that it was going to be about a group of people getting hunted in the jungle by cannibals.  We saw the NC-17 rating, and we just assumed that it was going to be a horror movie filled with lots of T & A.

Needless to say, the movie was fucked up and pretty disturbing.  One guy got his dick cut off while he was tied up, and it was eaten immediately, right in front of him.  He was later thrown back down into a pre-dug pit for prisoner holding.  He and a few others ended up escaping in the end, but I can only look back and think:

  • “Why bother leaving and trying to escape, if your dick is no longer attached, and it is currently being digested by that leader cannibal dude?   Life takes on many different qualities and perspectives as soon as you no longer have your unit, especially if you do not have one, because it was cut off and eaten by someone else.”

Living a life without a unit, after a life of having one, must be an extremely difficult task to adapt to.  All women would be at amazed at the high level of communication which takes place between the male owner and his unit.  A dog is FAR from a man’s best friend…….  The common communication breakdown of this relationship, which happens with age and poor health, has led to the creation of Viagra, and now Pfizer is raking in billions due to this.

Our units tell us when we are:

  • Happy
  • Sad
  • Sick
  • Infected
  • Watching something that looks like it hurts
  • Watching something that looks like it feels good….
  • When we are falling abruptly in an amusement park ride

Back to Sharon Stone……..”Basic Instinct” came out at the wrong time for me to experience everything the movie had to offer.  Back then, plot did not matter much in movies, as I was still growing mentally, and I would consider my former self, kind of retarded, by my standards of people and mentalities of today to which I find acceptable.

I think that if I ever bumped into Sharon Stone, I would mention to her how,  “I was sorry that my adolescent self and inadvertently my adult self, never got to experience the movie for all it had to offer, because I was too focused on seeing boobies the first 15 times I watched it.”

My friends and I watched “Basic Instinct” primarily for:

  • Sharon Stone’s sex scene in the beginning
  • Sharon Stone’s infamous interrogation scene
  • Sharon Stone’s walk through her house in the background fully nekkid
  • Sharon Stone’s lesbian behaviors with her crazy girlfriend
  • Sharon Stone’s sex scenes with Michael Douglas

Through multiple viewings of this movie, (primarily for these reasons above)  I inadvertently:

  • Realized that Michael Douglas got all kinds of ridiculous ass in the 90’s……(never mind probably in the 70’s, 80’s, 00’s and the 10’s)


  • I found out all about the plot and its twists , thus ruining the first viewing movie experience (which is usually the best viewing, due to the unknown about to happen and be experienced).

I never felt the need in highschool, college, or since college to revisit this movie.  If “Basic Instinct” came out recently I might have said that:

  • It was a pretty good movie
  • There were some pretty good twists in the movie that I didn’t see coming
  • Sharon Stone is pretty fucking hot and gets naked MULTIPLE times
  • Michael Douglas gets all kinds of ridiculous ass. and I still am envious of his hair he has in  “Jewel of the Nile”…..

Unfortunately I will never get to experience Basic Instinct in this way.  It will forever be remembered by me as one of the  movies that my friends and I would watch together, while we all had hardons, and we just let those hardons be for as long as they chose to be, in the state that they were in while Sharon Stone was showing us Sharon’s stone.

Looking back, I cannot believe at how many pornographic, group-viewing, sessions my male friends and I had.  I wish I could go back in time and teach my younger self a few things about life.  One of these lessons would focus on GETTING THE FUCK OUT of those group-viewing pornographic sessions with my male buddies, and start utilizing pornos the way they are supposed to be utilized.  I probably would have been much better off, less stressed, and much more laid back in my teen years, had I not been as “backed up” as I was……..

Sharon Stone, you got me to thinking a lot this morning.  It has been a week or so since I have had any interest to write anything at all.  I thank you for that.  I  also thank you for 8th grade memories of childhood, and most importantly I thank you for showing us your boobies, so we had something to pay attention to in “Basic Instinct”, at an age when we were too young to care about anything resembling a plot in a movie.

This is what Andrew Michaels is doing now…..

  1. husseinz says:

    nice post,

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