My scientific approach to the inconvienience of losing your wallet.

Posted: January 22, 2010 in Things that get me thinking
Tags: , ,

One of the worst feelings is when you can’t find your wallet.  Anyone who cares about you would be there for you to try to help out in finding it.  They ask questions to try to help in the situation, but many times these questions have already been thought of by yourself in your head so you may answer them quickly, and kind of in an asshole fashion.  Usually I just answer yes and no, but the following responses may be some thoughts running through my head for Bad-AndrewMichaels to answer with.

“When was the last time you knew you had it?”

  • Right before I realized I lost it……

“Did you have it with you this morning?”

  • Yes, otherwise you would have been asking me this question in the morning……..

“Is it in you jacket pockets?” or “How about your pant pockets from the pants you wore yesterday?”

  • No, it is not in one of the two places that I would keep it on me, but thanks for thinking of one of the two most obvious places that it could possibly be……I would not have thought to look there otherwise…..

“Is it in your car?”

  • No, it is not in my car, I already checked, twice……  It’s not under the seat either, I looked, even though it would be extremely hard for my wallet to to fall down and do a backwards spin to land in such a spot……

I know that people are trying to help when they ask such questions, but anyone who has not already asked these questions to themselves, deserves to lose their wallet.

When you lose your wallet, you are more than likely to see how dirty it is under the cushions of your couch, even though you are checking a place that you have not sat on since the last time you had your wallet.  You may find a quarter or two, but you will also find a skittle, a wrapper, and most peculiarly, some fine dirt that has a sand like quality because it has been filtered slowly through your cushions.

One of the tough executive decisions that comes with losing your wallet, is deciding at what point you should truly consider canceling your credit cards.  There are many things to consider and I have made some graph diagrams explaining the thought process of all the different possibilities and outcomes.

  • The first graph is the most obvious one. This states that over time, the longer you do not have your wallet, the more inconvenient it becomes due to not being able to use your credit cards, having your license, or having the cash on you that was in it, never mind the lingering fear that it could have possibly been stolen:

  • The next graph shows the inconvenience level of calling up all of your credit card companies and waiting on hold to cancel all of them.  After you have canceled all your cards and are off the phone, you will get some degree of inconvenience taken away since you do not have to worry about your credit cards being used by someone else fraudulently.  But the inconvenience of not having your wallet still prevents you from feeling too much better.

  • This next graph shows the inconvenience level of calling up all your credit card companies and waiting on hold to cancel all of them.  You get a temporary feeling of relief,  BUT then you find your misplaced wallet. Now you can no longer use your credit cards, so you now have raised your inconvenience level back up until they arrive in the mail probably 5 to 7 business days later.  This is the main reason people like myself wait until the last possible minute to cancel their credit cards.

  • Now on to the next graph. It shows how your inconvenience level will not progressively go up if you choose not to cancel your credit cards, gambling on the fact that you know that you have only misplaced your wallet somewhere safe.    Having this feeling of safety allows temporary vacations from the fear that your wallet is truly stolen.  The more time that passes ultimately causes a level up on the inconvenience factor followed by another vacation plateau status until the next raise in inconvenience.

  • Finally you can now scientifically see when is the perfect time to realize that you should really consider calling up all your credit card companies and cancel your all your cards. I have taken all the guess work out for you and by just using this graph you will know exactly when to take action. The circled  area shows when it is the precise time that you should take action and get on the phone with the credit card companies.  I hope that this information helps everyone who reads it. It is the least I can do with such a gifted mind.

This is WhatAndrewMichaelsisdoingnow……..I am going skiing this weekend, I have not gone skiing in over 4-5 years. Maybe in a future blog I can scientifically breakdown for you the reason I have chose to take such a long vacation from skiing.  Enjoy the weekend, recommend my blog to someone else! And I know that one of the graphs is a little off compared to the others based on the information that I previously stated……I figured that

1. no one would notice  ………and……

2. If you happen to notice you might mention it to me ………so…….

3. I am mentioning it first that I was too lazy to make it right, because more than likely you wouldn’t notice it anyways, and probably still don’t, also don’t bother trying to figure it out because it is not worth your time.


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