Here is what you need to know in order to catch swamp beast….

Posted: January 21, 2010 in Idiotic instances
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

There was a time in my life that I wanted to make a video each summer, with the main point being me chasing after one thing or another and trying to catch something on tape.  I was going to chase after things such as Bigfoot, the New Jersey Devil, the Chupacabra…….but NEVER in a million years did I ever consider chasing after the Mothman.

If there is one creature that I know not to fuck with, it is the Mothman.  This is some advice I hope that you take as well.  The main reason I would not even consider fucking with the Mothman is because I witnessed how far the Mothman will go to fuck with people for NO APPARENT REASON AT ALL….. such as Richard Gere and Laura Linney.

I was watching Monsterquest the other night, about this creature coined the “Swamp Beast”, or “Swamp Ape”.  The parts of the Monsterquest, which entertains me the most, have nothing to do with the monsters that are being chased.  I feel the best part of the show, is watching and listening to the people who seek after the monster each episode.  Here is a short clip from the show focusing on a doctor and his occasional minion follower………

CLIFF NOTES ON THE VIDEO (I have seen quite a few shows that talk about the things that this guy mentions, so I know what he is talking about….)


  • These are the noises of the swamp beast or bigfoot like creatures that witnesses hear.


  • Usually primates hit trees with large sticks to communicate over long distances….it is thought that if bigfoot exists, it might do the same.

Choke Cherries:

  • Behind the guy

Human and Ape Vaginal bacteria:

  • This doctors “perfect cocktail” to lure in and arouse the swamp beast, which shockingly has a “fairly rude odor”.


  • Everyone in this video

My friend Andrew went to college for Microbiology.  He told me that one of his internships or something had him working in the health clinic at our college.  He also went on to tell me that his responsibility was to deal with petri dish cultures of vaginal bacteria and STD swaps or something to that nature.  He said at most times it was god awful, not that I have any idea why.  And not that I am knocking the human female in any way.  I am sure that you can find a bacteria on everyone,  grow it on a petri dish, and it will emit a “fairly rude odor”

What I am knocking is this guy, who is a doctor,  willingly created a hypothetical, and 100% incorrect pheromone using human and ape vaginal bacterias in order to hunt down the swamp beast.

The ONLY reason why he will be unsuccessful in creating the proper pheromones, using vaginal bacteria from humans and apes to lure in the “swamp beast”………….. is the same exact reason that I would be unsuccessful in creating the proper pheromones, using vaginal bacteria from Irish women and midgets to lure in a “leprechaun”……..

Never mind the whole muggle issue we seem to have here with women and midgets.  Although, I have yet to ask a midget if they possess any magical powers, so there may be hope.

This doctor is more than likely very proud of his work, seeing as he has scientifically raised the bar for all the morons who choose not to work, but have the time to hunt down something that doesn’t exist.  BUT I SEE THIS IS A GOOD THING……I guess if all the morons in the world had something to do, such as hunt for mythical creatures, we might just see less idiots in our daily travels.

Unfortunately, every time you go to the DMV or traffic court, you will more than likely bump into a few of these idiots, seeing as they need to somehow recharge their life force, by way of renewing their license or registration, or answering to a judge for their erratic idiotic driving behaviors.

If you really want to lure in the swamp beast by use of pheromones you should just take a swab of the swamp beasts vaginal bacteria and use that, instead of a made up one mixing human and apes vaginal bacteria. Problem solved.

This is WhatAndrewMichaelsisdoingnow, expressing my fears of the mothman, introducing you to people who chase after the swamp beast, and saying vaginal bacteria way too many times.


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