What is the best thing you have ever done in your life?

Posted: January 20, 2010 in ALL ABOUT ME, Things that get me thinking
Tags: , , , , ,

When I was in my late teens I was walking around in the mall.  I guy in an army outfit who looked like a nice guy made eye contact with me and came up to me.  He started recruiting me for the Army and asked me the following question:  “What is the best, most exciting thing that you have ever done in your life?”

I have to admit that I was taken back a bit, and I could not think of anything that was worthy of mentioning.  I was basically admitting with my lack of response, that I did not do anything yet in my life that was so awesome that it was worth retelling.  Since that day I have been asked this question again on a few different occasions and each time since the first time I was asked, I usually at least have had an answer when I was asked.

My first year in my profession at around the age of 22, I had a younger person by the name of Bill ask me “AndrewMichaels, what is the best thing that you have ever done in your life?”  I immediately responded, “When I was a junior in college, I took some scissors, and cut a hole in the center of my blanket…..” It probably was not the response he was expecting, and I left it at that, without explaining anymore what the hell it meant…..

I call this blanket “The MEX” because I have been wearing my blanket like a poncho ever since 2000, and seeing as Mexicans like ponchos (I think they do….although I have yet to ask a Mexican if ponchos are still hip…..).  So it was coined The Mex very early on in its creation.  Although this is not THE BEST thing I have ever done in my life, I still do rank it quite high on the list.  10 years after I created “The Mex”, and I am wearing it as I write this blog today.  I have gotten more use out of this blanket than most people do with all the blankets combined, that they ever have during their entire life.  My friend once came over last year while I was wearing it, and asked me if I was wearing a snuggie……

I took extreme offense to this and told him to “fuck off, I invented the god damn snuggie back in 1999, and it is called the Mex…..asshole!”

People on many different occasions have made millions of dollars off of the ideas I was too much of an idiot to promote. Here are two other ideas off the top of my head:

  • I invented Myspace in 1999……in my head.  I was starting to learn how to create websites my sophomore year in college, and I thought it would be awesome if everyone at the college I went to, had their own personal site linked to each other and we could all interact and meet over the internet.  I did not follow through with this idea because I thought that “only dorks would want to meet over the internet…..”
  • In 1993 I invented the text message…….. in my head.  My dad was a cop and he had a beeper.  In order to get a hold of him when he was working, we beeped him our home phone number.  I thought back when I was in 7th grade that it would be awesome if you could push the 2 button once for an A,  twice for a B, and so on.  This way I could send him a message in case it wasn’t an emergency.

The main reason I started talking about all this today and got off track, was regarding Jeopardy.  When contestants know that they are going to be on the show, they have to think about something funny, interesting, or entertaining about themselves, or come up with one of the best, most exciting things that they have ever done, for the “meet the contestants” portion of the show.

My guess is that I could talk up a fucking storm during this “Meet the contestants” portion of the show and that would be my shining moment.  During the actual game, it would a whole different story though.   I may know some of the correct responses, but gibberish would come out of my mouth,  each time I would ring in to say my response.  It would be a HUGE accomplishment if I was allowed to participate in final Jeopardy.  But it wouldn’t matter, because I would be wearing The Mex on national television.

My girlfriend and I have always taped Jeopardy.   When we watch it, in tradition we usually fast forward through the commercials, and also the “meet the contestants” portion of the show.  BUT since I have become a daily blogger, I asked her if she had any problems with us watching this portion, for comedic purposes.  It didn’t take long to realize that a lot of people don’t have much good stuff to talk about.

(On a side note I have a lot more Jeopardy stuff to talk about in the future.)

I wish I had a video of someone the other week, she was talking about how when she was a kid, she woke up and her gerbil was dead.  I thought, “This poor fucking girl”,  BUT it had nothing to do with her losing her gerbil, we all experience death at some point……. I just felt extremely bad for her not experiencing anything in her LIFE at some point.

For one reason or another a lot of weird people are smart enough to be on Jeopardy. OR more likely, a lot of smart people on Jeopardy come off as very weird when they are put into a normal conversation, when their intelligence level does not come into play as the subject of the conversation.

I know that I could be a lot smarter, but at the same time I also know that I could be a lot more socially retarded.  I would not be willing to risk any of my social skills whatsoever in order to improve my intelligence.  Anyone who IS willing to so,  probably already is socially retarded to begin with.

This is WhatAndrewMichaelsisdoingnow, expressing 1 of the top 5 things I have ever done in my life (which involves a blanket), showing some of my missed attempts to be obscenely rich, and wishing that if I ever get to be on national television that my Mex be right there with me.

On a side note, I still have problems everyday spelling these words correctly (here is how I instinctively spell them): ocassionally, atleast, and ussually…..spell check saves me every fucking time…….

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