American Idol, Posh Spice, Kelly Clarkson, and ways to not to look like Meatloaf

Posted: January 14, 2010 in american idol
Tags: , , ,

All right, I will admit it, I occasionally watch American idol.  Its very easy for me to admit to such things as this these days, because anyone who knows me is fully aware that I really do not care about what anyone really thinks about me (although deep down I would prefer it if you liked me).  I watched a couple parts of the premiere the other night, and figured that there was some blog worthy material worth mentioning.  I have more confessions to make before I can get to the reasons I choose to blog about it though.

I started watching American idol, I would say occasionally in season 8, which was last season I believe.  I knew and know who Adam Lambert is, but for some reason I am having trouble remembering who won it last season.   Did Kelly Clarkson win it last year?

I know she didn’t win it, but she did look like meatloaf in the some recent pictures I saw of her on the internet after my habit of checking out Dlisted.com (I must give them credit for the picture and the meatloaf reference)  I know that sounds really mean, but please let me explain, I am not referring to her looking like a large chunk of ground beef with egg, breading, and seasoning……..That would be totally rude and inappropriate of me to say.

What I am saying is, that she looks like the large and in charge, male singer……who is like 60 now.

Moving on, Posh Spice makes everyone who auditions, feel lusted for by her sexy facial expressions of desire, constantly longing for more of the beautiful, luscious, sounds of the heavenly like voices, which caress her symmetrically perfect eardrums.  I truly believe that she is capable of tasting these voices, and that they are the main source of her daily caloric intake. On a side note I remember seeing an episode of a television show called “Super humans” on the History Channel.  This one guy said he could taste sounds, and it showed him sitting, while this opera woman sang for him…..the fucking guy was licking his lips and everything, during her performance, it was kind of weird.

Posh was the main purpose of this days blog and I was going to put a video together with all her facial expressions edited together, but that will take me too long, and youtube is acting funky, I think they have problems with me posting copyrighted material (Which is broadcast for free through the airwaves), maybe I will update this blog later with the video if youtube does not suspend my account….. (so I found one instance and just looped it, I don’t feel like watching the whole episode to find more examples…..)

Back to this Kelly Clarkson though.   She looks like she pounds down some serious food like the rest of us.   Though I am not sure that when everyone else eats a lot of food, that you would get larger, AND take on a strikingly similar appearance to MeatLoaf, but I do think it is worth discussing and analyzing what I would do if, or when this happens to me……

I would deal with this severe situation in one of the following 2 out of 3 ain’t bad ways:

  1. Use drugs to not gain the weight……….seriously, I am the type of guy who would rather have a ridiculously bad drug habit and look cracked out, while looking totally awesome…….Then take on the appearance,  when I am not even 30 yet, to that of meatloaf.
  2. Develop Bulimia……….seriously, why would anyone in their right mind want to be anorexic, when they can just be bulimic instead??  This makes NO SENSE to me whatsoever ……..OK……… so I kinda get that you are striving for attention from people, so you then in turn develop an eating disorder to gain that attention that you desperately seek……… but WHY do you choose the eating disorder which says that  “you are not to eat, or enjoy any fucking food at all?????”  Why would you pick that one? Do you actually enjoy the starving pains all the time, while also constantly acting ridiculously bitchy??? Why not just get that attention that you desperately seek, by pounding down all the food that you possibly can, buffet style, and then just bang it out finger style, in the toilet?????  If I ever develop an eating disorder to deal with being overweight/taking on the appearance of meatloaf….. it is 100 % positively sure to be bulimia and not anorexia…….food is WAY too awesome to be disrespected with a childlike behavior such as ignoring it. There are a lot of ignorant people out there, who should be ashamed of themselves……..
  3. Exercise at least 4-5 times a week for at least 45 minutes, eat a balanced diet, do not smoke, only drink alcohol on occasion AND always drink it in moderation…….. Basically, I would only have to become a total douchebag……  All while not enjoying myself in life, because I obsessively work hard at not being fat and looking like meatloaf.  Thank fucking god that I have the other two options, because if this was my only option to ensure me to not be fat/look like meatloaf upon times of me eating a substantial amount of food, I would venture to guess that I would have a really good fucking chance of being fat and looking like meatloaf.

This is what Andrewmichaelsisdoingnow, starting off on American idol,  getting off topic with ways to try not being fat while also taking on the appearance of meatloaf,  pointing my finger at all the rude, ignorant, disrespectful, politically incorrect people in the world……….all while wondering how many blog posts does it take for me to reserve a spot in hell.

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